Speaking of "Rupert and the Frog Song" got me thinking about another psychedelic staple of my childhood. They used to show this music video as filler almost daily in those wonderful, crazy early days of Nickelodeon. Now I was of course wholly unaware that this was part of a concert film (!) based upon a concept album (!!) based upon a picture book (!!!). That is like a perfect storm of awesome. I am Netflixing the hell out of the concert DVD.
(pause...)
OK, I am "Saved Queue"-ing the hell out of the concert DVD because they do not yet have it. (I always wonder why they bother listing things when that happens.) Oh well.
Enjoy the very 70's mind-screwyness:
I watched this for the first time in a long time at like two in the morning and amazingly, I didn't start freaking out until around the 1:42 mark. O.o
I love, love, love how those three salamanders are totally nonchalant about the Dio-Frog transforming into a hydra-plant-thing.----
Comic and illustration loving residents of the Westford, MA area: this weekend you have the good fortune of being able to attend something called Larry's Pop Culture Extravaganza. And if you live in Westford and can somehow have no desire to attend something called Larry's Pop Culture Extravaganza, I do not understand you at all.
Note that for now, I'll be adopting a twice-weekly post schedule. I need to concentrate on saving things from Geocities. At least now, I have a deadline: the last weekend before Halloween (October 26, for those who need a real date). Anyway, check for "new" (meaning post-dated and thus hilariously a few days behind on the news) posts on Tuesday and Thursday for a while.
I can't wait to cry hysterically like a little sissy again during "Jessie's Song" --- but IN THREE-EFFIN'-D this time!!!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
"Paul McCartney: The Music and Animation Collection" and a return to NIMH?
Who knew there was an animated adaptation of David Wiesner's Tuesday? And who knew that it was one of the most downright perfect adaptations of a picture book ever? (These are way too rare and tend to be quite short.) And who knew that Sir Paul McCartney was behind it?
And who knew that both Google and YouTube would fail me in finding the short. But fear not, for it is available on the very nice "Paul McCartney Music and Animation Collection" DVD, which I rented off Netflix on impulse after seeing it and immediately thinking, "ZOMG 'Rupert and The Frog Song'!!!"
The DVD title is a bit of a tease. Technically, McCartney looks to have been the instigator: the real star here is the work of the crew headed by the brilliant animation director Geoff Dunbar. He and Paul McCartney have collaborated on several very nice shorts, not all of which are included on the DVD, and are currently bandying about the idea of working on a feature together. There is much more information about this at Cartoon Brew.
That Brew post also includes a very short clip of "Frog Song" (the entire film does not appear to be online) and as I mentioned before, this short inspired me to rent the DVD. It still is one of my favorite pieces of animation. As a child, this was utterly enthralling. Even back then, I liked that a lot of things in the short are left totally unexplained. And when else have you ever gotten a thrill from a phrase like "Frogs Only beyond this point"?
There's a third short on the DVD that, honestly, was so bland that I barely recall the title. But apparently it stars the characters that will be expanded upon in the upcoming Dunbar/McCartney film collaboration. Huh...
A quick look at Amazon reveals that the DVD is out of print, so if I've piqued your curiosity, grab a copy if you can.
----
So in other news... apparently the guy who used to be behind Walden Media (the studio responsible for several recent adaptations of varying quality and accuracy of the chapter books that defined your childhood and mine) and the writer/director of "The Illusionist" (I liked the other "Hot Guys Play Dueling Old-Timey Magicians" movie better) are working on an adaptation of Robert C. O'Brien's book, Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH.
This is going to get very, very interesting very, very quickly, once the word gets out.
You see, if that title sounds familiar, it is because the book inspired a movie that I may have mentioned is my favorite movie ever: "The Secret of NIMH". My knee-jerk reaction to a second NIMH adaptation, and I am totally honest about this, is, "Really? Huh. Interesting."
Because, you see, I understand the difference between a remake and another adaptation of a book that has already inspired a film. You'd think this would be an easy concept to grasp, but it looks like I may be rare in possessing the ability to know the difference. I learned this during the long, L-O-N-G summer of 2005...
That's the main reason reason why it will be very interesting to see how the rest of the "Secret of NIMH" fandom reacts. My prediction is that the indignation isn't going to be of the "OH NOES THEY IS ATTACKING MY CHILDHOOD!!!" variety (NIMH-rods tend to be some of the smartest fans I've known).
It will be over the use of Live-action/CGI. Which will make this movie look not only like another remake of a well-liked 80's cult movie, but also another damn talking rodent movie.
And who knew that both Google and YouTube would fail me in finding the short. But fear not, for it is available on the very nice "Paul McCartney Music and Animation Collection" DVD, which I rented off Netflix on impulse after seeing it and immediately thinking, "ZOMG 'Rupert and The Frog Song'!!!"
The DVD title is a bit of a tease. Technically, McCartney looks to have been the instigator: the real star here is the work of the crew headed by the brilliant animation director Geoff Dunbar. He and Paul McCartney have collaborated on several very nice shorts, not all of which are included on the DVD, and are currently bandying about the idea of working on a feature together. There is much more information about this at Cartoon Brew.
That Brew post also includes a very short clip of "Frog Song" (the entire film does not appear to be online) and as I mentioned before, this short inspired me to rent the DVD. It still is one of my favorite pieces of animation. As a child, this was utterly enthralling. Even back then, I liked that a lot of things in the short are left totally unexplained. And when else have you ever gotten a thrill from a phrase like "Frogs Only beyond this point"?
There's a third short on the DVD that, honestly, was so bland that I barely recall the title. But apparently it stars the characters that will be expanded upon in the upcoming Dunbar/McCartney film collaboration. Huh...
A quick look at Amazon reveals that the DVD is out of print, so if I've piqued your curiosity, grab a copy if you can.
----
This is going to get very, very interesting very, very quickly, once the word gets out.
You see, if that title sounds familiar, it is because the book inspired a movie that I may have mentioned is my favorite movie ever: "The Secret of NIMH". My knee-jerk reaction to a second NIMH adaptation, and I am totally honest about this, is, "Really? Huh. Interesting."
Because, you see, I understand the difference between a remake and another adaptation of a book that has already inspired a film. You'd think this would be an easy concept to grasp, but it looks like I may be rare in possessing the ability to know the difference. I learned this during the long, L-O-N-G summer of 2005...
That's the main reason reason why it will be very interesting to see how the rest of the "Secret of NIMH" fandom reacts. My prediction is that the indignation isn't going to be of the "OH NOES THEY IS ATTACKING MY CHILDHOOD!!!" variety (NIMH-rods tend to be some of the smartest fans I've known).
It will be over the use of Live-action/CGI. Which will make this movie look not only like another remake of a well-liked 80's cult movie, but also another damn talking rodent movie.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Highly Dubious and/or Forgotten 80's Toys
Another old LaGremlin Land post that would have been lost to the Aether later this year. Originally posted 10/20/05.
First, you may have noticed that most of the cartoons and toys of the 80's followed this formula: (1) Be colorful; (2) Be Sci-Fi and/or Fantasy-themed; (3) Make very, VERY little sense.
A little research proved that some 80's toys have since faded into obscurity. I was doing a Google search for "the Wuzzles", and I was hoping to find some other opinions and information and pictures and stuff. Well, I found a picture in some little auction website where a guy was selling three Wuzzles… and three Firffels.
I jumped up out of my chair screaming, "THAT'S what they were called!?!" And I did my wee little Happy Dance! And I reset my Google search to find more Firffel information…
All I got was more auction sites. Nobody remembered these things! Curiosity about Firffels led me to searching for the BeMores. Then the Jumbles. Nothing! Nobody remembers these completely insane 80's toys!
Well, I remember them, and I know I'm not insane, even though these descriptions might seem too nutty to be for real. So here's my little tribute to three toy lines that nobody shows love for anymore. All of these toys were plush stuffed animals, they each had a story to go along with them, and they were each sold in a now-defunct Bradlees department store in Quincy Point, as I recall. Pictures will be provided whenever they are available. Note that this information is based largely on my unreliable and fuzzy memory.
(Picture from ebay.) These are the guys that inspired this article. One of the auction sites I found them for sale at lovingly described the Firffels as "Wuzzle Rip-offs". That sums up their likely genesis, I'll bet. Remco probably saw the mint that Disney made with their cute little genetically mutated furballs and said, "WAH! Me TOO!!!"
Firffels could be renamed "The Wuzzles Who Didn't Make It". Here is a list of the characters I can remember:
Burtle = Half Bear, Half Turtle
Butterfrog = Half Butterfly, Half Frog
Fird = Half Fish, Half Duck (Woah, Remco can dodge bullets…)
Dicken = Half Dog, Half Chicken (Or not.)
Take a look at that there lineup and you see why this didn't catch on. Splice together a monkey and a rhino and you are hardcore. A dog crossed with a chicken is stupid and reeks of poo. More importantly, this toy line probably failed because kids aren’t stupid. They can tell when they're being had.
(Picture from my own Bemore.) "See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / See a BeMore, well it can be MORE! / I love my BeMore dinosaur!"
Obviously the result of a fever dream, BeMores were essentially Transformers for girls. Make a stuffed animal, but make it one that, through the magic of oddly placed pockets and Velcro flaps, can transform into something almost but not quite entirely different. Also, throw dinosaurs into the mix. Dinosaurs kick ass. Everybody loves them.
I think there were a grand total of three BeMore characters. One was a sauropod that turned into - a magical dragon! Another was a ceratopsian that transformed into - a magical dragon! And the last one, the fellow pictured here, was a carnosaur who transforms into - a bunny rabbit!
Nope, just kidding. He turns into a magical dragon also! Thank you BeMores for supporting the Legendary Creatures = Misinterpreted Fossils theory, better known as the We Don't Think People are Capable of Using Their Imaginations theory. (I feel bad for Gryphons.)
Perhaps the most amusing thing about these toys was the fact that they had stolen their names from some My Little Ponies. I think one was called Gusty and another might have been called Heart Throb. I think we should stop right there and show you more fun things to do with Velcro that will mess with kids' heads.
Sadly, I couldn't find a picture, but our next toy collection is the Jumbles!
Now this one is clearly the work of a madman. Follow this story.
Once upon a time, some cute stuffed animals were outside playing and having a fun party. But then an accident happened. Based upon the results, the accident might have involved the local Ninja clan having a demonstration on proper sword and throwing-star safety. My memory's a bit fuzzy on this point.
Anyway, afterwards, all the little stuffed animals were lying in pieces on the ground. The Ninjas hastily put them all back together using the secret long lost Velcro Jutsu, but got everyone -wait for it- JUMBLED! And from then on, the stuffed animals, who now proudly called themselves Jumbles, could exchange their body parts with one-another through the magic of Velcro!
W-h-a-a-a-a-a-a-t???
Yes, what you got in your box was a stuffed animal whose limbs had all been hacked off and attached with Velcro. So you and your sister, who presumably got a different Jumble character, could have hours and hours of fun switching limbs with each other.
I would give anything within reason to see a cartoon based upon this concept. Can you imagine how wickedly great it would be?
DANNY DACHSHUND - "Dude, the basketball tournament is this weekend! I need to borrow your legs!"
GERRY GIRAFFE - "No way. Besides, I'm already loaning them to Benny the Bass."
BENNY BASS - (Weeping with joy) "I can walk! Listen! I CAN WALK!!!"
Oh yes, I would watch the hell out of that cartoon. Too bad it doesn't exist.
Well, I hope you enjoyed these weird toys. And I can only hope that somebody out there is doing their Happy Dance because of this. That would be great.
First, you may have noticed that most of the cartoons and toys of the 80's followed this formula: (1) Be colorful; (2) Be Sci-Fi and/or Fantasy-themed; (3) Make very, VERY little sense.
A little research proved that some 80's toys have since faded into obscurity. I was doing a Google search for "the Wuzzles", and I was hoping to find some other opinions and information and pictures and stuff. Well, I found a picture in some little auction website where a guy was selling three Wuzzles… and three Firffels.
I jumped up out of my chair screaming, "THAT'S what they were called!?!" And I did my wee little Happy Dance! And I reset my Google search to find more Firffel information…
All I got was more auction sites. Nobody remembered these things! Curiosity about Firffels led me to searching for the BeMores. Then the Jumbles. Nothing! Nobody remembers these completely insane 80's toys!
Well, I remember them, and I know I'm not insane, even though these descriptions might seem too nutty to be for real. So here's my little tribute to three toy lines that nobody shows love for anymore. All of these toys were plush stuffed animals, they each had a story to go along with them, and they were each sold in a now-defunct Bradlees department store in Quincy Point, as I recall. Pictures will be provided whenever they are available. Note that this information is based largely on my unreliable and fuzzy memory.
Firffels could be renamed "The Wuzzles Who Didn't Make It". Here is a list of the characters I can remember:
Burtle = Half Bear, Half Turtle
Butterfrog = Half Butterfly, Half Frog
Fird = Half Fish, Half Duck (Woah, Remco can dodge bullets…)
Dicken = Half Dog, Half Chicken (Or not.)
Take a look at that there lineup and you see why this didn't catch on. Splice together a monkey and a rhino and you are hardcore. A dog crossed with a chicken is stupid and reeks of poo. More importantly, this toy line probably failed because kids aren’t stupid. They can tell when they're being had.
Obviously the result of a fever dream, BeMores were essentially Transformers for girls. Make a stuffed animal, but make it one that, through the magic of oddly placed pockets and Velcro flaps, can transform into something almost but not quite entirely different. Also, throw dinosaurs into the mix. Dinosaurs kick ass. Everybody loves them.
I think there were a grand total of three BeMore characters. One was a sauropod that turned into - a magical dragon! Another was a ceratopsian that transformed into - a magical dragon! And the last one, the fellow pictured here, was a carnosaur who transforms into - a bunny rabbit!
Nope, just kidding. He turns into a magical dragon also! Thank you BeMores for supporting the Legendary Creatures = Misinterpreted Fossils theory, better known as the We Don't Think People are Capable of Using Their Imaginations theory. (I feel bad for Gryphons.)
Perhaps the most amusing thing about these toys was the fact that they had stolen their names from some My Little Ponies. I think one was called Gusty and another might have been called Heart Throb. I think we should stop right there and show you more fun things to do with Velcro that will mess with kids' heads.
Sadly, I couldn't find a picture, but our next toy collection is the Jumbles!
Now this one is clearly the work of a madman. Follow this story.
Once upon a time, some cute stuffed animals were outside playing and having a fun party. But then an accident happened. Based upon the results, the accident might have involved the local Ninja clan having a demonstration on proper sword and throwing-star safety. My memory's a bit fuzzy on this point.
Anyway, afterwards, all the little stuffed animals were lying in pieces on the ground. The Ninjas hastily put them all back together using the secret long lost Velcro Jutsu, but got everyone -wait for it- JUMBLED! And from then on, the stuffed animals, who now proudly called themselves Jumbles, could exchange their body parts with one-another through the magic of Velcro!
W-h-a-a-a-a-a-a-t???
Yes, what you got in your box was a stuffed animal whose limbs had all been hacked off and attached with Velcro. So you and your sister, who presumably got a different Jumble character, could have hours and hours of fun switching limbs with each other.
I would give anything within reason to see a cartoon based upon this concept. Can you imagine how wickedly great it would be?
DANNY DACHSHUND - "Dude, the basketball tournament is this weekend! I need to borrow your legs!"
GERRY GIRAFFE - "No way. Besides, I'm already loaning them to Benny the Bass."
BENNY BASS - (Weeping with joy) "I can walk! Listen! I CAN WALK!!!"
Oh yes, I would watch the hell out of that cartoon. Too bad it doesn't exist.
Well, I hope you enjoyed these weird toys. And I can only hope that somebody out there is doing their Happy Dance because of this. That would be great.
Friday, July 24, 2009
RE: Wuzzle Wings
Another old LaGremlin land post. Originally posted on 1/20/06. I wrote this several years after "Deep Questions About 80's Cartoons" inspired by one issue on the list I couldn't shake...
Hey, remember the "Wuzzles"?
T’was a fun little cartoon and toy line that followed the great tradition of 80’s cartoons and toys, in that it was colorful, had kind of a sci-fi/fantasy theme, and madelittle sense you wonder what kinds of medication the people who came up with it were taking at the time.
This is not a “Wuzzle” information article. (There are plenty of excellent fan websites out there, the best of which is The Unofficial Wuzzle Fansite, which is still around. Head over there in case you need to familiarize yourself with these characters again before we go on.)
Instead, consider this an expansion on the article I have about weird questions raised by 80’s cartoons. This article intends to address an issue of great societal fallout, a question I have had about the Wuzzles since the characters debuted. Amazingly, my number one question about the Wuzzles is one that -as far as my research found- no fansite has yet chosen to even acknowledge.
For the moment, we are going to ignore the fact that kangaroo and elephant DNA just won't splice. For whatever reason, this (seemingly the obvious question raised by the Wuzzles) did not bother me too much as a kid. What I could never figure out - what I STILL can’t figure out - was this:
WHY does each and every Wuzzle, regardless of species, posses those stupid-looking pastel-colored vestigial wings on their backs?
And they are vestigial. (That’s the technical term for a body part on an animal that is basically pointless; examples include anything inside you right now that you might need to have removed at some point.) Unless you are a Wuzzle who is part insect, these wings are fairly useless. You can only flutter your wings when you are excited or scared, suggesting that they are merely there for decoration. There are, of course, real-world equivalents to this. For example, there are several flightless species of aquatic birds such as Gruiformes and Pelecaniformes, most of whom are able to fly (quite gracefully in the case of pelicans).
However, unlike the Takahe and the Galapagos Cormorant, the Wuzzles appear to be well aware of the crappy hand dealt to them by natural selection here. In one cartoon episode Elaroo even laments the fact that he is flightless. “If only my wings were strong enough to get me off the ground.”
So the question is, why give the Wuzzles wings at all? As you can plainly see in the pictures above, the stuffed Wuzzles all had a different style of wing, instead of the little fruit-fly deelies each cartoon Wuzzle had. This is very, very important. It tells us that, as far as the character designers knew, the wings were NOT arbitrary. So we know that something’s up here...
Thank goodness for thrift stores. I have found some particularly damning evidence in this here book. Here we’ve got a story about dear little Moosel having trouble finding a present for another Wuzzle’s birthday (this was the plot of his freebie storybook too). The story itself is a bit boring and gets to a particularly predictable ending, but things get rather intriguing at the top of page six:
Well, hello there? Our little Alcid/Pinniped is clearly attempting to fly here. And according to the text, he has every reason to think this will work. But why…?
No.
Way.
Wuzzles. Flying. Blatantly. In the air. Even the least aerodynamically likely ones.
First, here’s the most likely reason why we’re seeing all the Wuzzles flying, and it’s the kind of thing that drives me crazy. There was probably little to no communication at all between the different groups of people working on all the different Wuzzle products. Perhaps there wasn’t much quality control either, and certainly no attention paid to blatant contradictions like this one.
This is very likely because, as we’ve already seen, there are many differences between the characters’ designs, depending on whether you are looking at the cartoons, or the toys, or the books. Here’s the worst thing: They probably assumed that the kids wouldn't notice. That kind of assumption REALLY drive me crazy.
But that line of thinking isn’t much FUN now, is it? So let’s approach this from a different angle. How come the Wuzzles are able to fly here? I have two theories:
THEORY A: This books takes place in the long, long-ago “Golden Age” of the Land of Wuz. Everyone was able to fly back then. Over time, for some unknown reason, many Wuzzles gradually lost the ability. Perhaps they forgot how to fly as they came to rely more and more on artificial means of transportation, such as cars and boats. Kind of poignant, really.
THEORY B: This book is actually an “Else-worlds” or “What If…?” Wuzzle story. Also, it takes place in the Matrix. (Shrugs.)
Maybe later I'll post my theory that the Fraggles are descendants of Troodontid theropods.
----
T’was a fun little cartoon and toy line that followed the great tradition of 80’s cartoons and toys, in that it was colorful, had kind of a sci-fi/fantasy theme, and made
This is not a “Wuzzle” information article. (There are plenty of excellent fan websites out there, the best of which is The Unofficial Wuzzle Fansite, which is still around. Head over there in case you need to familiarize yourself with these characters again before we go on.)
Instead, consider this an expansion on the article I have about weird questions raised by 80’s cartoons. This article intends to address an issue of great societal fallout, a question I have had about the Wuzzles since the characters debuted. Amazingly, my number one question about the Wuzzles is one that -as far as my research found- no fansite has yet chosen to even acknowledge.
For the moment, we are going to ignore the fact that kangaroo and elephant DNA just won't splice. For whatever reason, this (seemingly the obvious question raised by the Wuzzles) did not bother me too much as a kid. What I could never figure out - what I STILL can’t figure out - was this:
WHY does each and every Wuzzle, regardless of species, posses those stupid-looking pastel-colored vestigial wings on their backs?
However, unlike the Takahe and the Galapagos Cormorant, the Wuzzles appear to be well aware of the crappy hand dealt to them by natural selection here. In one cartoon episode Elaroo even laments the fact that he is flightless. “If only my wings were strong enough to get me off the ground.”
So the question is, why give the Wuzzles wings at all? As you can plainly see in the pictures above, the stuffed Wuzzles all had a different style of wing, instead of the little fruit-fly deelies each cartoon Wuzzle had. This is very, very important. It tells us that, as far as the character designers knew, the wings were NOT arbitrary. So we know that something’s up here...
No.
Way.
First, here’s the most likely reason why we’re seeing all the Wuzzles flying, and it’s the kind of thing that drives me crazy. There was probably little to no communication at all between the different groups of people working on all the different Wuzzle products. Perhaps there wasn’t much quality control either, and certainly no attention paid to blatant contradictions like this one.
This is very likely because, as we’ve already seen, there are many differences between the characters’ designs, depending on whether you are looking at the cartoons, or the toys, or the books. Here’s the worst thing: They probably assumed that the kids wouldn't notice. That kind of assumption REALLY drive me crazy.
But that line of thinking isn’t much FUN now, is it? So let’s approach this from a different angle. How come the Wuzzles are able to fly here? I have two theories:
THEORY A: This books takes place in the long, long-ago “Golden Age” of the Land of Wuz. Everyone was able to fly back then. Over time, for some unknown reason, many Wuzzles gradually lost the ability. Perhaps they forgot how to fly as they came to rely more and more on artificial means of transportation, such as cars and boats. Kind of poignant, really.
THEORY B: This book is actually an “Else-worlds” or “What If…?” Wuzzle story. Also, it takes place in the Matrix. (Shrugs.)
Maybe later I'll post my theory that the Fraggles are descendants of Troodontid theropods.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Comic-Con International!
*sigh* Such are the perils of shuffling your scheduled posts around. I originally had this as a footnote to the next post, which was originally going to go up on Wednesday but got pushed back to Friday thanks to the "Let's Recast 'Futurama' For No Good Gorram Reason" debacle. Blame FOX. For everything.
Um, I mean, San Diego Comic-Con is this weekend! Woo-Hoo!
As you may have noticed, I usually focus on announcing conventions that take place in the upper-right-hand corner of the country (it's so that I don't have the "Ha ha, you can't go" song in my head), but this one's too important not to get a mention. I am unable to attend, due to being in the exact opposite end of the U.S. right now. But for those of you who can go, have fun, get your butt in the seat for the Disney Animation Panel tomorrow at 12:30 (Miyazaki!!!!!), and good luck dodging the Twilight fangirls.
Speaking of: Dear mainstream media. Girls enjoy attending comic book conventions. I know that, for whatever reason, this is very hard for your tiny minds to understand. But girl geeks who don't give a fetid pair of dingo kidneys about glittery vampires exist. And we are legion.
As far as the girls attending comic-con this year who do care about glittery vampires, a FARK commenter with the excellent screen-name Brigid Fitch said it so I don't have to:
"...The problem isn't women attending the con -- it's gaggles of non-fans swarming all over a con, sucking all the fun from the room. We'll never escape the Asperger's candidates & hygienically challenged portion of our ranks, but if you're stuck next to one, you can at least find common ground and have a reasonable conversation with them (if by "reasonable" you mean discussing the finer points of violating the Prime Directive, of course).
"But the Twilight fans aren't like that. They're interlopers. We couldn't care less about sparkly vampires and they haven't a clue what to expect at a ComicCon! They're there to swoon over Robert Pattinson, and have no idea who Ray Bradbury is, let alone why someone would give their right arm to be at his discussion panel.
"...It's like a school trip to a Yankees game: The girls know NOTHING of baseball, ask a lot of inane questions, and are only there because they think Jeter is hot. And whenever he's on the field, they squeal in that ear-piercing way that only 15-year-olds know how to. How patient would you be?"
Um, I mean, San Diego Comic-Con is this weekend! Woo-Hoo!
As you may have noticed, I usually focus on announcing conventions that take place in the upper-right-hand corner of the country (it's so that I don't have the "Ha ha, you can't go" song in my head), but this one's too important not to get a mention. I am unable to attend, due to being in the exact opposite end of the U.S. right now. But for those of you who can go, have fun, get your butt in the seat for the Disney Animation Panel tomorrow at 12:30 (Miyazaki!!!!!), and good luck dodging the Twilight fangirls.
Speaking of: Dear mainstream media. Girls enjoy attending comic book conventions. I know that, for whatever reason, this is very hard for your tiny minds to understand. But girl geeks who don't give a fetid pair of dingo kidneys about glittery vampires exist. And we are legion.
As far as the girls attending comic-con this year who do care about glittery vampires, a FARK commenter with the excellent screen-name Brigid Fitch said it so I don't have to:
"...The problem isn't women attending the con -- it's gaggles of non-fans swarming all over a con, sucking all the fun from the room. We'll never escape the Asperger's candidates & hygienically challenged portion of our ranks, but if you're stuck next to one, you can at least find common ground and have a reasonable conversation with them (if by "reasonable" you mean discussing the finer points of violating the Prime Directive, of course).
"But the Twilight fans aren't like that. They're interlopers. We couldn't care less about sparkly vampires and they haven't a clue what to expect at a ComicCon! They're there to swoon over Robert Pattinson, and have no idea who Ray Bradbury is, let alone why someone would give their right arm to be at his discussion panel.
"...It's like a school trip to a Yankees game: The girls know NOTHING of baseball, ask a lot of inane questions, and are only there because they think Jeter is hot. And whenever he's on the field, they squeal in that ear-piercing way that only 15-year-olds know how to. How patient would you be?"
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Deep, Unanswered Questions about 80's and 90's Cartoons
The next three posts will be three related features rescued from LaGremlin Land.
Now, I first came up with this way back in my senior year of high school. I was living in a pre-Internet world, remember, and specifically in a pre-Cartoon Overanalizations, pre-TV Tropes' It Just Bugs Me world. Some of these have been addressed at both websites, which happily implies that I'm not weird for wondering about these.
Originally posted way back on 4/11/01.
* - In the "He-Man" and "She-Ra" series, what did Orko look like under that cloak? And was Skowl's flying appendages his wings or were they his actual ears?
* - What ARE the Wuzzles? No, I know what they are but I mean where did they come from? Some kind of bizarre Island of Dr. Moreu type top secret genetic engineering experiment or something?
* - Speaking of "the Wuzzles", why the hell did every one of them, regardless of whether they were part insect or not, have those fly wings on their backs? Were they ever functional? Is there origin then more akin to the David Cronenburg version of "the Fly"? (NOTE: I would expand on this later. Stay tuned.)
* - Let's get another big one out of the way. Why were there only three female Smurfs? Bear in mind that none of these female Smurfs were born in a normal way (both Smurfette and Sassette were created artificially, and I'm not sure of where Granny Smurf came from). Furthermore, if a Smurf village isn't normally supposed to have females in it, then do Smurfs reproduce asexually? And if so, why is Papa Smurf older than the others?
* - Why do the other Smurfs keep taking surprise boxes from Jokey? Don't they know by now that they'll blow up? And why hasn't Jokey been arrested or something?
* - On "Thundercats", each member of the team was an anthropomorphic version of a different species of wildcat. Okay, fine. But on Thundera, their home planet, were there many members of each different species? Did they tend to stick to their own kind romantically or could they interbreed? And would resulting children be sterile hybrids (as in the real-life Liger)?
* - Speaking of logistical problems in a world of Furries, take the case of "the Get-Along Gang". Montgomery is an anthropomorphic moose. As if that isn't disconcerting enough, he has antlers. Are they considered weapons in his world? Are they even functional? And considering that male moose in real life don't grow their antlers until they're adults, then how old is Montgomery (considering the age-range of rest of the Gang is about ten-ish in human terms)?
* - Doesn't it strike anyone else as weirdly racist that the official Gang members were all mammals, while their bullies were reptiles? Yes, I know the Gang hung out with that turtle kid, but he was never really treated as an official member, more like the Furry take on the Token Kid That Is Not White. And how come we never saw any anthropomorphic birds or fish?
* - Finally (and in my opinion, the biggest damn Furry Logistics Problem of all) there was one very memorable episode of "the Get-Along Gang" where the Gang ends up in a snowy town whose residents are on the look out for a missing baby elephant.
A normal, non-anthropomorphic elephant.
FROM THE ZOO!
Now don't you think that if you're going to populate your world with humanoid animals, maybe you should bite the bullet and populate the zoos and pet stores with humans?
* - How old is Rainbow Brite? She looks to be ten, but consider that she's been in charge of providing color and light to the entire Universe forever. Doesn't that make her (and the Sprites, and Starlight, and the Color "Kids") as old as the Universe or older? If so, then what is she, a goddess?
* - On the other hand, maybe time is different on the planet that Rainbowland is on. Maybe while ten years have gone by on Rainbowland, thousands of years have passed on Earth. But if time goes slower on Rainbowland then on Earth, how come Rainbow Brite's Earthling friend, Brian, is still about ten years old every time they run into each other? Why isn't he suddenly eighty-four or something? Does this mean that Rainbow Brite can time-travel? (It's already well established that she can travel through outer space.)
* - Are Chief Quimby and Dr. Claw one and the same? On "Inspector Gadget", Chief Quimby knew exactly what Dr. Claw was up to. It seems very suspicious to me.
* - How come Penny and Brain never b**ched about getting no credit for saving the day? Did they ever snap and go insane? Is that why the spin-off series didn't go into the character's futures but chronicled their past instead?
* - And, finally, what IS Inspector Gadget anyway? A robot? A cyborg? If he's a robot, why does he have a niece? Or is Penny just posing as his niece so he can feel more human? Does anyone else suddenly hear the sad score from "A.I."? (This should go without saying, but we are ignoring the abysmal live-action Disney film.)
* - Any time the adventuring team on the surprisingly good "Dungeons and Dragons" cartoon found some way or other to get home, the porthole was only open for a very short time and a LOT of that time they lost was spent debating whether to take Uni with them. Ever get the sense that Uni was trying to keep the kids from getting home? Was this her own plan or was she Venger's pawn? Or was the whole thing Dungeon Master's idea?
* - Speaking of Venger and Dungeon Master, there's a famous episode where D. M. calls Venger his son. Now, I know he might have meant it figuratively but what if he didn't? And if Venger is D. M.'s kid, then can you imagine what his mom must have looked like? (We are ignoring the never-finished final episode, where much of this is explained.)
* - Would anyone else feed Uni to Tiamat during that very first encounter in the opening sequence or is it just me?
* - How does "Muppet Babies" fit into "Muppet Show" continuity? Is it about the Muppets as kids, or is it about the second generation of Muppets? If it's about the Muppets as kids, how come both Robin and Bean Bunny show up if they're supposed to be the youngest Muppets?
* - And we NEVER saw Nannie's face. We never even saw her above the shoulders. What the heck did she look like? Consider that it's left unclear as to whether she's just the babies' caretaker or if she's their mother. And if she isn't their mother than where and who are their parents?
* - The cast of the surprisingly not-terrible "My Little Pony" cartoon changed several times as old ponies in the collectible toy line were retired and new ones introduced. Okay, but Megan and Spike remained in the cast each season. Didn't they notice that some of their friends had vanished?
* - Furthermore, all the ponies in Ponyland were female (the males were conveniently "on a race around the world" and only appeared in one episode). Where the heck did the baby ponies come from?
* - Aside from the fact that it rhymed, why did they call it the "Care Bear Stare"? They weren't staring so much as zapping people with pictures on their tummies. What did getting "Stared" feel like? Being bombarded with giant Lucky Charms?
* - And aside from alliterative appeal, why were they called the Care Bear Cousins? Were they the Bear's actual blood relatives? How can a bear possibly be related to a penguin?
* - Why did the opening of the second "Care Bears Movie" completely contradicted the Cousins' origin story from the first one? Did they think the kids wouldn't notice?
* - The second "Care Bears Movie" was subtitled "A New Generation", so maybe it's about the second group of Care Bears. But if that's true, what happened to their parents from the first movie? Why do the "new generation" Bears act and look EXACTLY like the first batch? Were they cloned from the first Bears after they died in a horrible accident (maybe the giant heart from the first movie's end title sequence fell and flattened them during the final group portrait)?
* - The "Silverhawks" were a superhero team of cyborgs who ran around exploring space, fighting bad guys, the usual. So why the heck did they have a country singer up there with them? Yeah, I know he was a cyborg too, but still, what kind of help is he going to provide? Scaring space monsters away with a rousing rendition of "Achy-Breaky Heart"?
* - Was "Silverhawks" actually supposed to be some kind of cybernetic "Real World"? Like a bunch of totally random people (and their mascot hawk, of course, and whatever the hell Copper Kid was) get turned into cyborgs and sent into space and we get to watch what happens?
* - How big were "the Snorks"? Some episodes show them as being about two or three feet tall but others place them at only inches high, or even about the size of a cocktail shrimp. And, once and for all, if they were tiny, then were they related to the Smurfs or not?
* - What's the deal with the Snork's "snork" anyway? I guess it's a breathing organ, but how does it work? Does it work like a gill or like a snorkel? If it works like a snorkel, then how come you never see the Snorks surface for air? There was also that one Snork who had two snorks, and a couple of characters with snorks on their face where a human would have his nose. Are they some kind of advanced "Super Snorks" or are these primitive features (akin to a horse being born with dewclaws)?
* - Say, how does the Scooby Gang keep functioning? They have no jobs; they tool around in a van all day and solve mysteries just for fun. What do they do for money? For example, how do they afford to go to the fancy ski resort in the mystery of the Abominable Snowman?
* - Were the guest voices in "Scooby Movies" picked completely at random or what? They had the cast of "Batman" in one episode, the Mamas and the Papas in the next one, and the Harlem Globetrotters in the next. Tell me they didn't pick the names from a list of people who liked "Scooby Doo" and wanted to be a guest voice out of a hat or something.
* - With regards to "The Chipmunk Reunion", which, as you'll see, ended up raising a LOT more questions than it purported to answer: Why did some of the forest animals wear clothes while others didn't? If Dave lived in a really nice little cabin out in the woods, why did he move out of it and into the suburbs? Or was he staing there temporarily for "mental health"? Wouldn't it have been less traumatic for Ma Chipmunk to ask Dave if she could move in with him for the winter along with her children? What did the Boar have against the Chipmunks? And finally, ARE the Chipmunks actual chipmunks? I ask this because in the finale, they're dancing around with some other rodents who look a LOT more like real life Chipmunks than the Chipmunks do.
* - What does the bathroom in CatDog's house look like and how do they use it?
* - Actually, forget CatDog. On "DragonTales", what does the bathroom in Zack and Weezy's lair look like and how do *they* use it? More to the point, what happens when one or both of them wants to start dating?
* - And what was the go with the Dinosaur Family in "Pee-Wee's Playhouse"? They were dinosaurs and they lived in a MOUSE HOLE. The father was a Triceratops, the mother was a Styracosaur. The twins were... I don't know what the hell they were (my first inclination is to call them Parasauralophi, but... no), and they didn't look anything like their parents. And they have a monitor lizard for a "dog". And the holiday special implies that they are Jewish. Yeah, I know this is "Pee-Wee's Playhouse", but...
* - Wouldn't it be a little awkward to live in Pee-Wee's Playhouse, seeing as everything (including the food) is alive in there? Think about it.
* - And finally, how come those of us who grew up with these shows don't have a laundry list of mental disorders from trying to figure all of these out?
Now, I first came up with this way back in my senior year of high school. I was living in a pre-Internet world, remember, and specifically in a pre-Cartoon Overanalizations, pre-TV Tropes' It Just Bugs Me world. Some of these have been addressed at both websites, which happily implies that I'm not weird for wondering about these.
Originally posted way back on 4/11/01.
* - In the "He-Man" and "She-Ra" series, what did Orko look like under that cloak? And was Skowl's flying appendages his wings or were they his actual ears?
* - What ARE the Wuzzles? No, I know what they are but I mean where did they come from? Some kind of bizarre Island of Dr. Moreu type top secret genetic engineering experiment or something?
* - Speaking of "the Wuzzles", why the hell did every one of them, regardless of whether they were part insect or not, have those fly wings on their backs? Were they ever functional? Is there origin then more akin to the David Cronenburg version of "the Fly"? (NOTE: I would expand on this later. Stay tuned.)
* - Let's get another big one out of the way. Why were there only three female Smurfs? Bear in mind that none of these female Smurfs were born in a normal way (both Smurfette and Sassette were created artificially, and I'm not sure of where Granny Smurf came from). Furthermore, if a Smurf village isn't normally supposed to have females in it, then do Smurfs reproduce asexually? And if so, why is Papa Smurf older than the others?
* - Why do the other Smurfs keep taking surprise boxes from Jokey? Don't they know by now that they'll blow up? And why hasn't Jokey been arrested or something?
* - On "Thundercats", each member of the team was an anthropomorphic version of a different species of wildcat. Okay, fine. But on Thundera, their home planet, were there many members of each different species? Did they tend to stick to their own kind romantically or could they interbreed? And would resulting children be sterile hybrids (as in the real-life Liger)?
* - Speaking of logistical problems in a world of Furries, take the case of "the Get-Along Gang". Montgomery is an anthropomorphic moose. As if that isn't disconcerting enough, he has antlers. Are they considered weapons in his world? Are they even functional? And considering that male moose in real life don't grow their antlers until they're adults, then how old is Montgomery (considering the age-range of rest of the Gang is about ten-ish in human terms)?
* - Doesn't it strike anyone else as weirdly racist that the official Gang members were all mammals, while their bullies were reptiles? Yes, I know the Gang hung out with that turtle kid, but he was never really treated as an official member, more like the Furry take on the Token Kid That Is Not White. And how come we never saw any anthropomorphic birds or fish?
* - Finally (and in my opinion, the biggest damn Furry Logistics Problem of all) there was one very memorable episode of "the Get-Along Gang" where the Gang ends up in a snowy town whose residents are on the look out for a missing baby elephant.
A normal, non-anthropomorphic elephant.
FROM THE ZOO!
Now don't you think that if you're going to populate your world with humanoid animals, maybe you should bite the bullet and populate the zoos and pet stores with humans?
* - How old is Rainbow Brite? She looks to be ten, but consider that she's been in charge of providing color and light to the entire Universe forever. Doesn't that make her (and the Sprites, and Starlight, and the Color "Kids") as old as the Universe or older? If so, then what is she, a goddess?
* - On the other hand, maybe time is different on the planet that Rainbowland is on. Maybe while ten years have gone by on Rainbowland, thousands of years have passed on Earth. But if time goes slower on Rainbowland then on Earth, how come Rainbow Brite's Earthling friend, Brian, is still about ten years old every time they run into each other? Why isn't he suddenly eighty-four or something? Does this mean that Rainbow Brite can time-travel? (It's already well established that she can travel through outer space.)
* - Are Chief Quimby and Dr. Claw one and the same? On "Inspector Gadget", Chief Quimby knew exactly what Dr. Claw was up to. It seems very suspicious to me.
* - How come Penny and Brain never b**ched about getting no credit for saving the day? Did they ever snap and go insane? Is that why the spin-off series didn't go into the character's futures but chronicled their past instead?
* - And, finally, what IS Inspector Gadget anyway? A robot? A cyborg? If he's a robot, why does he have a niece? Or is Penny just posing as his niece so he can feel more human? Does anyone else suddenly hear the sad score from "A.I."? (This should go without saying, but we are ignoring the abysmal live-action Disney film.)
* - Any time the adventuring team on the surprisingly good "Dungeons and Dragons" cartoon found some way or other to get home, the porthole was only open for a very short time and a LOT of that time they lost was spent debating whether to take Uni with them. Ever get the sense that Uni was trying to keep the kids from getting home? Was this her own plan or was she Venger's pawn? Or was the whole thing Dungeon Master's idea?
* - Speaking of Venger and Dungeon Master, there's a famous episode where D. M. calls Venger his son. Now, I know he might have meant it figuratively but what if he didn't? And if Venger is D. M.'s kid, then can you imagine what his mom must have looked like? (We are ignoring the never-finished final episode, where much of this is explained.)
* - Would anyone else feed Uni to Tiamat during that very first encounter in the opening sequence or is it just me?
* - How does "Muppet Babies" fit into "Muppet Show" continuity? Is it about the Muppets as kids, or is it about the second generation of Muppets? If it's about the Muppets as kids, how come both Robin and Bean Bunny show up if they're supposed to be the youngest Muppets?
* - And we NEVER saw Nannie's face. We never even saw her above the shoulders. What the heck did she look like? Consider that it's left unclear as to whether she's just the babies' caretaker or if she's their mother. And if she isn't their mother than where and who are their parents?
* - The cast of the surprisingly not-terrible "My Little Pony" cartoon changed several times as old ponies in the collectible toy line were retired and new ones introduced. Okay, but Megan and Spike remained in the cast each season. Didn't they notice that some of their friends had vanished?
* - Furthermore, all the ponies in Ponyland were female (the males were conveniently "on a race around the world" and only appeared in one episode). Where the heck did the baby ponies come from?
* - Aside from the fact that it rhymed, why did they call it the "Care Bear Stare"? They weren't staring so much as zapping people with pictures on their tummies. What did getting "Stared" feel like? Being bombarded with giant Lucky Charms?
* - And aside from alliterative appeal, why were they called the Care Bear Cousins? Were they the Bear's actual blood relatives? How can a bear possibly be related to a penguin?
* - Why did the opening of the second "Care Bears Movie" completely contradicted the Cousins' origin story from the first one? Did they think the kids wouldn't notice?
* - The second "Care Bears Movie" was subtitled "A New Generation", so maybe it's about the second group of Care Bears. But if that's true, what happened to their parents from the first movie? Why do the "new generation" Bears act and look EXACTLY like the first batch? Were they cloned from the first Bears after they died in a horrible accident (maybe the giant heart from the first movie's end title sequence fell and flattened them during the final group portrait)?
* - The "Silverhawks" were a superhero team of cyborgs who ran around exploring space, fighting bad guys, the usual. So why the heck did they have a country singer up there with them? Yeah, I know he was a cyborg too, but still, what kind of help is he going to provide? Scaring space monsters away with a rousing rendition of "Achy-Breaky Heart"?
* - Was "Silverhawks" actually supposed to be some kind of cybernetic "Real World"? Like a bunch of totally random people (and their mascot hawk, of course, and whatever the hell Copper Kid was) get turned into cyborgs and sent into space and we get to watch what happens?
* - How big were "the Snorks"? Some episodes show them as being about two or three feet tall but others place them at only inches high, or even about the size of a cocktail shrimp. And, once and for all, if they were tiny, then were they related to the Smurfs or not?
* - What's the deal with the Snork's "snork" anyway? I guess it's a breathing organ, but how does it work? Does it work like a gill or like a snorkel? If it works like a snorkel, then how come you never see the Snorks surface for air? There was also that one Snork who had two snorks, and a couple of characters with snorks on their face where a human would have his nose. Are they some kind of advanced "Super Snorks" or are these primitive features (akin to a horse being born with dewclaws)?
* - Say, how does the Scooby Gang keep functioning? They have no jobs; they tool around in a van all day and solve mysteries just for fun. What do they do for money? For example, how do they afford to go to the fancy ski resort in the mystery of the Abominable Snowman?
* - Were the guest voices in "Scooby Movies" picked completely at random or what? They had the cast of "Batman" in one episode, the Mamas and the Papas in the next one, and the Harlem Globetrotters in the next. Tell me they didn't pick the names from a list of people who liked "Scooby Doo" and wanted to be a guest voice out of a hat or something.
* - With regards to "The Chipmunk Reunion", which, as you'll see, ended up raising a LOT more questions than it purported to answer: Why did some of the forest animals wear clothes while others didn't? If Dave lived in a really nice little cabin out in the woods, why did he move out of it and into the suburbs? Or was he staing there temporarily for "mental health"? Wouldn't it have been less traumatic for Ma Chipmunk to ask Dave if she could move in with him for the winter along with her children? What did the Boar have against the Chipmunks? And finally, ARE the Chipmunks actual chipmunks? I ask this because in the finale, they're dancing around with some other rodents who look a LOT more like real life Chipmunks than the Chipmunks do.
* - What does the bathroom in CatDog's house look like and how do they use it?
* - Actually, forget CatDog. On "DragonTales", what does the bathroom in Zack and Weezy's lair look like and how do *they* use it? More to the point, what happens when one or both of them wants to start dating?
* - And what was the go with the Dinosaur Family in "Pee-Wee's Playhouse"? They were dinosaurs and they lived in a MOUSE HOLE. The father was a Triceratops, the mother was a Styracosaur. The twins were... I don't know what the hell they were (my first inclination is to call them Parasauralophi, but... no), and they didn't look anything like their parents. And they have a monitor lizard for a "dog". And the holiday special implies that they are Jewish. Yeah, I know this is "Pee-Wee's Playhouse", but...
* - Wouldn't it be a little awkward to live in Pee-Wee's Playhouse, seeing as everything (including the food) is alive in there? Think about it.
* - And finally, how come those of us who grew up with these shows don't have a laundry list of mental disorders from trying to figure all of these out?
Monday, July 20, 2009
New Episodes of "Futurama" to Have an Entirely Different Cast!?!
The announcement can be read here and the AV Club article that made me aware of this can be read here. It's not like I was planning on watching the new episodes anyway (I was largely disappointed in the movie sequel thingies), but WTF are they thinking?
Update! Um... Vague non-news from Comic-Con, via The Onion AV Club. Apparently, the panelists were not allowed to talk about this.
In less "I need my own Angry Dome"-worthy news, I have contributed a giraffe to the wonderful One Million Giraffes project. You should draw a giraffe and send her in too. Everyone in the world should!
Friday, July 17, 2009
Let's Read Every Harry Potter Novel in a Row!
A repost from my old MySpace blog.
I was unable to attend the release party at Harvard Square for Deathly Hallows (I was there entirely by accident for the Halfblood Prince release and to this day it remains one of the times I most regret not having a camera on me.) So instead, I decided to build myself up to reading the last Harry Potter novel by reading every piece of literature related to the saga I happened to have with me.
Originally posted 6/29/07.
I'm glad I did this. Not only was I able to appreciate for the first time how much deeper this series is than most people appreciate, I was also more able to appreciate the scope of the final novel (which gets it's own spoilerrific post after this one). And since I'm crazy and have a bit of a self-indulgent streak, here's the play-by-play:
Day One (July 14): Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Thoughts from the very first chapters:
* - Harry ain't gonna die. If he does, I will -er- do something silly.
* - I'd forgotten how Roald Dahl-esque the series really is.
* - Raise a pack of Lemonheads for Albus. <:( * - Already with the spiders! And she's introduced Sirius and Miss Figg too! J.K. loves her foreshadowing. * - Note the obsession with food. And Draco is already a racist little sh*t. And did Scabbers just save Ron? * - Snape is definitely on the Chaotic Good side. No doubt. (Maybe a little.) * - I'm a bit worried that we really may be headed for an irony-soaked, very confusing ending a la "Fullmetal Alchemist"... This is probably the longest I've ever taken to read a book I have already read before. It's a hell of a lot better than I remember.
Day Two (July 15): Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
I've always been a bit lackluster about this particular book. But it is supposed to be one of the most important from a plot-building stance. It is better than I thought, but it does play out like "Harry and the Attack of the Foreshadowing". If nothing else, it's cool to notice that she introduces Mundungus here.
Incidentally, I do not buy the argument at all that the saga has gone "dark" (whatever that means) only in the last three or four books. There's some heavy stuff going down already here in Book Two. (Moaning Myrtle is just an overall creepy character. There's also giant man-eating spiders and Dobby's self-flagellation.) Whatever, it's time for Book Three which is the point where I first admitted we were reading something special.
Day Three (July 16): Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
This is the one that got me hooked. Not much else to say there.
Day Four and Five (July 17 and 18): Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
The first of The Bricks. I got way too much sun reading outside on Day Four so fortunately it rained on Day Five. You'll notice I was cutting it very close to Release Day, so I had to remind myself that I was about as isolated as I could get, I'm not really an obsessed Person of Fandom who needs to know how the saga ends right away, and basically I can take my time if I want. Still, it bothers me a lot when it takes a great deal longer than expected for me to read a book I have already read before.
Fortunately, I got to the ending of Book Four by the end of the day. Fans call this the "Empire Strikes Back" part of the Potter saga. I call chapters 32-35 the "Holy Sh*t" scene. I'm sure it inspired more than a few nightmares. And thank goodness for that. Really. It's so much easier to tone a villain down these days. It's actually a lot more satisfying to have a villain who really is evil, therefore the hero's conflict is far more tense.
In other words, I take back all the detracting things I have said about the saga over the years. Aww.
(Well, almost all of them.)
I topped off the night with the two little interlude-like "Textbooks" (Magical Beasts and Quidditch Through the Ages). World-building is fun.
Day Six and Seven (July 19 and 20): Hary Potter and the Order of the Pheonix
I finally finished the 870 glorious pages of Book Five on Release Day! Reading this book at a leisurely pace is a fine reminder of just how damn long it is. I remember blitzing through it the first day I got it. Not a good idea. There is a metric buttload of information to digest here. All I can say is that if bacon and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks do not figure into the finale somehow, I will be sad.
Day Eight and Nine (July 21 and 22): Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince
Joy and rapture, I received my package from Amazon at 11:00 AM on Day Eight. While waiting, I read Book Six. Basically, this book, while good, is "Fast Times at Hogwarts School", juxtaposed with a massive amount of exposition and topped off with a tragic ending. At this point, I felt like I was vacationing with the characters.
So.
So there I was ready to read the final book in the Harry Potter saga. At once, I was excited to see how she'd wrap everything up and rather bummed to see the story end.
Thing is, as a fantastic fiction fan, I've been in this situation before. Lord knows how the eleven-year-old fans are feeling.
My reactions to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be in the next post, and there will be spoilers. Until then,
***Drinking Game!!!***
Take a sip for...
* - Bacon!
* - Something unpleasant happens during a Quidditch game;
* - Harry gets somebody "Monologuing" (one sip for villains, two sips for good guys);
* - Every time somebody gets sent to the Infirmary;
* - Harry breaks out his Invisible Cloak, Marauder's Map, other handy magical plot device;
* - J.K. first introduces a character who dies later (take a sip and then pour one out for the character);
* - Voldemort does something that indicates he has not read Pete's Evil Overlord List (just glancing at it, he violates 5, 34, 92, ect.)
* - Drink for every special day (Harry's Birthday, Christmas, ect.);
* - Drink when J.K. gives us a recap of past events;
* - Drink yourself into a stupor if you correctly predicted a plot twist in the last book.
But why wait? Here are my Book Seven reactions right now. Originally posted 6/29/07.
Round about the nasty jolt of "oh sh*t, Hagrid's dead!" at the end of chapter four and then "no, he's okay!" right at the beginning of chapter five, I said, out loud, "This is going to be the entire book isn't it?
Indeed, by the halfway point, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is an insanely stressful read for the most part. For every cheer-worthy bit of fanservice (lots of plot holes are filled in and yay Norberta!), there's a very long scene of... well the idea that the saddest thing that could happen is Harry dying is just quaint by the halfway point: Harry's in exile, Ron's buggered off, and pretty much everything has gone to hell. Even the familiar "a year in the life of Hogwarts" format is gone.
I'm reminded strongly of the ending to "The Sound of Music", a movie I have no great love for. But I do tip my hat to it's ballsy final act, barely hinted at in the opening hours of "Favorite Things" B.S. There's a term in the animation fandom for an ending or final episode that deviates dramatically from the style or tone of the series as a whole, almost to the point of confusion: "Gainax Ending". I'd never in a million years have expected that J.K. would give us a Gainax ending to Harry Potter's story... and I love this book for that. It's an incredibly ballsy move for such an insanely popular series.
Even so, Lord knows how the eleven year are feeling about all this. I like what Stephen King wrote in his incredibly good Entertainment Weekly article about the end of the saga: for many fans, this is the end of a crucial part of their childhood. The last book really does seem to be all about the end of childhood. Heady stuff for summer vacation, no?
When I finally got to the ending at three in the morning, rest assured that I came away feeling that this was one of the most downright satisfying endings to a story I have ever read, seen, or whatever.
My Disorganized Reactions:
* - Yay fanservice! I can't count the number of times I cheered out loud.
* - Speaking of fans, it amazes me how many plot twists the fans predicted correctly. Some of them did not pan out quite the way anyone expected, but I'll get to those in a bit.
* - Did I mention that bacon and Snorkacks are in it? <:D Now for the real spoilers:
* - For instance, who'd have guessed that Snape was Harry's real father? XD Ok, really. But that one very moving chapter where the story is retold from Snape's point of view will get overanalized by the really crazy 'shipper fans.
* - I'm surprised at the way some subplots played out. I had expected a MUCH bigger payoff to the Wormtail subplot - he had a Life Debt after all. I figured he may do something really heroic and instead he just kinda dies. And never mind him, how much more satisfying would it have been for Neville to go all Inigo Montoya on Bellatrix? I'm amazed that didn't happen; I don't even think the characters were ever in the same room.
* - Now, the pre-release hype told us to brace ourselves for two characters dying. Rumor has it that there's a support line for one of the characters. That said, the death toll is actually much higher than two when all is said and done. What surprised me was that most of these were characters I'd never have thought about (Hedwig especially). Dobby's passing was very moving and well-handled. On the other hand, I think we can all pretty much agree that killing off Tonks and Lupin almost arbitrarily and right after having their baby was just mean. That goes for Fred as well. And they really were arbitrary because J.K. glossed over the details of their deaths so completely, they might as well have never happened.
* - And as for Harry's death - you can't say he doesn't die now can you? As for that scene, I gotta love existentialism in a book that a lot of eleven-year-olds are going to read over summer vacation. Awesome.
* - And how about that epilogue? I can't recall anything so fan-wanky that was also totally sweet. Not sure how many "Son of Harry" fanfics we'll be able to take but it is a fine cherry on top of a very satisfying conclusion.
----
In my defense, that last bit was written immediately after I read the last book. <:/
By the way, I think we are going to see a lot of the same kind of, "We serious movie critics cannot be bothered to watch the previous film after having to wait so long for the next one" kind of reviews for "Halfblood Prince" as we did during the long, L-O-N-G summer of 2003, when "Matrix Reloaded" finally came out. (I think I lost my faith in mainstream movie critics that summer.)
But what of people who did do the research? Well, here's a review on /Film from a guy who watched every "Harry Potter" movie in a row. (There is a crucial distinction there, as you will see.)
If you are in the Granby, CT area, go to Free Lunch Studios this Sunday for their benefit auction. More information at their Facebook page.
I was unable to attend the release party at Harvard Square for Deathly Hallows (I was there entirely by accident for the Halfblood Prince release and to this day it remains one of the times I most regret not having a camera on me.) So instead, I decided to build myself up to reading the last Harry Potter novel by reading every piece of literature related to the saga I happened to have with me.
Originally posted 6/29/07.
I'm glad I did this. Not only was I able to appreciate for the first time how much deeper this series is than most people appreciate, I was also more able to appreciate the scope of the final novel (which gets it's own spoilerrific post after this one). And since I'm crazy and have a bit of a self-indulgent streak, here's the play-by-play:
Day One (July 14): Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Thoughts from the very first chapters:
* - Harry ain't gonna die. If he does, I will -er- do something silly.
* - I'd forgotten how Roald Dahl-esque the series really is.
* - Raise a pack of Lemonheads for Albus. <:( * - Already with the spiders! And she's introduced Sirius and Miss Figg too! J.K. loves her foreshadowing. * - Note the obsession with food. And Draco is already a racist little sh*t. And did Scabbers just save Ron? * - Snape is definitely on the Chaotic Good side. No doubt. (Maybe a little.) * - I'm a bit worried that we really may be headed for an irony-soaked, very confusing ending a la "Fullmetal Alchemist"... This is probably the longest I've ever taken to read a book I have already read before. It's a hell of a lot better than I remember.
Day Two (July 15): Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
I've always been a bit lackluster about this particular book. But it is supposed to be one of the most important from a plot-building stance. It is better than I thought, but it does play out like "Harry and the Attack of the Foreshadowing". If nothing else, it's cool to notice that she introduces Mundungus here.
Incidentally, I do not buy the argument at all that the saga has gone "dark" (whatever that means) only in the last three or four books. There's some heavy stuff going down already here in Book Two. (Moaning Myrtle is just an overall creepy character. There's also giant man-eating spiders and Dobby's self-flagellation.) Whatever, it's time for Book Three which is the point where I first admitted we were reading something special.
Day Three (July 16): Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
This is the one that got me hooked. Not much else to say there.
Day Four and Five (July 17 and 18): Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
The first of The Bricks. I got way too much sun reading outside on Day Four so fortunately it rained on Day Five. You'll notice I was cutting it very close to Release Day, so I had to remind myself that I was about as isolated as I could get, I'm not really an obsessed Person of Fandom who needs to know how the saga ends right away, and basically I can take my time if I want. Still, it bothers me a lot when it takes a great deal longer than expected for me to read a book I have already read before.
Fortunately, I got to the ending of Book Four by the end of the day. Fans call this the "Empire Strikes Back" part of the Potter saga. I call chapters 32-35 the "Holy Sh*t" scene. I'm sure it inspired more than a few nightmares. And thank goodness for that. Really. It's so much easier to tone a villain down these days. It's actually a lot more satisfying to have a villain who really is evil, therefore the hero's conflict is far more tense.
In other words, I take back all the detracting things I have said about the saga over the years. Aww.
(Well, almost all of them.)
I topped off the night with the two little interlude-like "Textbooks" (Magical Beasts and Quidditch Through the Ages). World-building is fun.
Day Six and Seven (July 19 and 20): Hary Potter and the Order of the Pheonix
I finally finished the 870 glorious pages of Book Five on Release Day! Reading this book at a leisurely pace is a fine reminder of just how damn long it is. I remember blitzing through it the first day I got it. Not a good idea. There is a metric buttload of information to digest here. All I can say is that if bacon and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks do not figure into the finale somehow, I will be sad.
Day Eight and Nine (July 21 and 22): Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince
Joy and rapture, I received my package from Amazon at 11:00 AM on Day Eight. While waiting, I read Book Six. Basically, this book, while good, is "Fast Times at Hogwarts School", juxtaposed with a massive amount of exposition and topped off with a tragic ending. At this point, I felt like I was vacationing with the characters.
So.
So there I was ready to read the final book in the Harry Potter saga. At once, I was excited to see how she'd wrap everything up and rather bummed to see the story end.
Thing is, as a fantastic fiction fan, I've been in this situation before. Lord knows how the eleven-year-old fans are feeling.
My reactions to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be in the next post, and there will be spoilers. Until then,
***Drinking Game!!!***
Take a sip for...
* - Bacon!
* - Something unpleasant happens during a Quidditch game;
* - Harry gets somebody "Monologuing" (one sip for villains, two sips for good guys);
* - Every time somebody gets sent to the Infirmary;
* - Harry breaks out his Invisible Cloak, Marauder's Map, other handy magical plot device;
* - J.K. first introduces a character who dies later (take a sip and then pour one out for the character);
* - Voldemort does something that indicates he has not read Pete's Evil Overlord List (just glancing at it, he violates 5, 34, 92, ect.)
* - Drink for every special day (Harry's Birthday, Christmas, ect.);
* - Drink when J.K. gives us a recap of past events;
* - Drink yourself into a stupor if you correctly predicted a plot twist in the last book.
But why wait? Here are my Book Seven reactions right now. Originally posted 6/29/07.
Round about the nasty jolt of "oh sh*t, Hagrid's dead!" at the end of chapter four and then "no, he's okay!" right at the beginning of chapter five, I said, out loud, "This is going to be the entire book isn't it?
Indeed, by the halfway point, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is an insanely stressful read for the most part. For every cheer-worthy bit of fanservice (lots of plot holes are filled in and yay Norberta!), there's a very long scene of... well the idea that the saddest thing that could happen is Harry dying is just quaint by the halfway point: Harry's in exile, Ron's buggered off, and pretty much everything has gone to hell. Even the familiar "a year in the life of Hogwarts" format is gone.
I'm reminded strongly of the ending to "The Sound of Music", a movie I have no great love for. But I do tip my hat to it's ballsy final act, barely hinted at in the opening hours of "Favorite Things" B.S. There's a term in the animation fandom for an ending or final episode that deviates dramatically from the style or tone of the series as a whole, almost to the point of confusion: "Gainax Ending". I'd never in a million years have expected that J.K. would give us a Gainax ending to Harry Potter's story... and I love this book for that. It's an incredibly ballsy move for such an insanely popular series.
Even so, Lord knows how the eleven year are feeling about all this. I like what Stephen King wrote in his incredibly good Entertainment Weekly article about the end of the saga: for many fans, this is the end of a crucial part of their childhood. The last book really does seem to be all about the end of childhood. Heady stuff for summer vacation, no?
When I finally got to the ending at three in the morning, rest assured that I came away feeling that this was one of the most downright satisfying endings to a story I have ever read, seen, or whatever.
My Disorganized Reactions:
* - Yay fanservice! I can't count the number of times I cheered out loud.
* - Speaking of fans, it amazes me how many plot twists the fans predicted correctly. Some of them did not pan out quite the way anyone expected, but I'll get to those in a bit.
* - Did I mention that bacon and Snorkacks are in it? <:D Now for the real spoilers:
* - For instance, who'd have guessed that Snape was Harry's real father? XD Ok, really. But that one very moving chapter where the story is retold from Snape's point of view will get overanalized by the really crazy 'shipper fans.
* - I'm surprised at the way some subplots played out. I had expected a MUCH bigger payoff to the Wormtail subplot - he had a Life Debt after all. I figured he may do something really heroic and instead he just kinda dies. And never mind him, how much more satisfying would it have been for Neville to go all Inigo Montoya on Bellatrix? I'm amazed that didn't happen; I don't even think the characters were ever in the same room.
* - Now, the pre-release hype told us to brace ourselves for two characters dying. Rumor has it that there's a support line for one of the characters. That said, the death toll is actually much higher than two when all is said and done. What surprised me was that most of these were characters I'd never have thought about (Hedwig especially). Dobby's passing was very moving and well-handled. On the other hand, I think we can all pretty much agree that killing off Tonks and Lupin almost arbitrarily and right after having their baby was just mean. That goes for Fred as well. And they really were arbitrary because J.K. glossed over the details of their deaths so completely, they might as well have never happened.
* - And as for Harry's death - you can't say he doesn't die now can you? As for that scene, I gotta love existentialism in a book that a lot of eleven-year-olds are going to read over summer vacation. Awesome.
* - And how about that epilogue? I can't recall anything so fan-wanky that was also totally sweet. Not sure how many "Son of Harry" fanfics we'll be able to take but it is a fine cherry on top of a very satisfying conclusion.
----
In my defense, that last bit was written immediately after I read the last book. <:/
By the way, I think we are going to see a lot of the same kind of, "We serious movie critics cannot be bothered to watch the previous film after having to wait so long for the next one" kind of reviews for "Halfblood Prince" as we did during the long, L-O-N-G summer of 2003, when "Matrix Reloaded" finally came out. (I think I lost my faith in mainstream movie critics that summer.)
But what of people who did do the research? Well, here's a review on /Film from a guy who watched every "Harry Potter" movie in a row. (There is a crucial distinction there, as you will see.)
If you are in the Granby, CT area, go to Free Lunch Studios this Sunday for their benefit auction. More information at their Facebook page.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Hilarious Harry Potter Fan-theories, plus two more Potter lists.
First of all, I did not draw this, but I wish I had. Best fanart ever.
There will never be anything quite like Harry Potter within our lifetimes again. That's kind of a heavy thought to start out with, but what I mean is that we'll never see anything like the Harry Potter fandom again (sorry Twilight fans, you don't count).
The reason is simply because all the books are out there in the world for new fans to discover and read in order one after the other with no waiting. Let's not forget that it took so very long for each new book in the saga to be released. This was the first such book series to be released during the Web 2.0 revolution, and so fans were able to easily share their guesses as to what would happen next.
Some of the resultant fan-theories are pretty hilarious in hindsight, now that we know what actually happened in the story. And so, as you get pumped for the "Halfblood Prince" movie, here is my brief, humble tribute to my favorite such theories, in no particular order:
Lily Potter was an Animagus and Hedwig is her alternate form.
This one might just be my absolute favorite silly-in-hindsight fan theory. It is only matched by...
Ron Weasley is actually a time-traveling young Albus Dumbledore.
Curiously, this theory hinges not on the fact that Harry has such a close friendship with both characters - but because of the events surrounding the chess match in Philosopher's Stone. And because they both have (or had) red hair.
Neville is actually the Chosen One.
This hinged on Trelawney's -shall we say- less-than-reliability as a source of information. To be fair, the Prophesy could have been taken either way. Note that Neville's life sucks only marginally less than Harry's.
Neville is the Half-blood Prince.
Or, better yet...
Neville's pet toad Trevor is the Half-blood Prince.
Heheh, I still like this one.
Neville will be the one to defeat Bellatrix LeStrange. Poetic justice considering what she did to his family.
Yeah... about that...
Sirius Black is just hiding!
"And he's really Stubby Boardman! And the Veil really doesn't kill you for real; we don't even know what it was! And he can come back somehow! And Ponch from the Young Wizards series totally is really Sirius! And and and..."
Man, you'd think no beloved character ever died in a book before. (Where were these people to console me after I read Mostly Harmless?)
On a similar note:
Dumbledore will continue giving advice through his portrait.
Death, it turned out, really didn't stop Dumbledore from raining exposition on Harry -- though it didn't happen the way fans expected.
Speaking of the Portraits, we'll finally learn how the intellectual paintings actually work.
Whether they contain a bit of their subject's consciousness or if they're a direct line to the afterlife or something like that. We never really learned anything about how the paintings work and/or are produced. That's been kind of a disappointment for me.
Harry is a Horcrux and he dies in the last novel.
The second half of this theory isn't too out-there (and as we all know, Harry doesn't stay dead), but the first half is crazy enough for it to be genuinely surprising that it turned out to be true. Sort of. It was complicated.
Mrs. Weasley will go all Lt. Ripley on Bellatrix LeStrange.
Actually... I don't think any of us saw that one coming.
And for more fun, here's a repeat from an old MySpace blog post:
Things I hope do not happen in Deathly Hallows.* - Surprisingly, Norbert reappears and eats everyone.
* - A spell goes awry and everyone is transformed into different species of iguanas. The rumored spin-off series takes off from here.
* - Harry and Ron are riding their broomsticks around when out of nowhere, two a**holes in a passing truck shoot them both.
* - Kurt Russell meets everyone in an elevator in some mysterious building, where he calmly explains that they're all dead and dreaming the whole thing. (Yes, "Vanilla Sky" still has the most insulting cop-out ending ever.)
* - In a shocking twist, Draco flies down out of nowhere are skewers Ginny with a sword longer than she is tall.
* - Voldemort reveals the terrible truth of his tragic past and mysterious connection to Harry - immediately before he suddenly kills Harry. Harry finds himself in a strange world wracked by war and devoid of any magic whatsoever. Also, somehow Fritz Lang is involved.
* - My favorite character dies.
* - As the Universe is rebuilding itself after the destruction of Voldemort's evil, Harry promises Ginny that he will find her somehow even though they are seemingly being stranded in separate worlds (cause Harry is suddenly unable to jump a three foot gap).
* - Your favorite character dies.
* - We flash-forward to three years hence when Harry has a secret meeting with Ginny and he cries and cries at her "Why did we leave Hogwarts! It wasn't meant to happen! We have to go back, Ginny! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!!"
* - Two words: "Sopranos" ending.
And, what the hell, an old LaGremlin list:
Rejected Titles for the last Harry Potter Novel
"Harry Potter and the Magic Mushrooms!" (I guess you can already tell what direction we're going in here. I apologize.)
"Harry Potter and the Fantabulous All-Powerful Nose-Hairs of Mythra Khan!!!"
"Harry Potter and the Skull-Cracking Hangover!"
"Harry Potter and the Altar of Blood!"
"Harry Potter and the Evil Within!"
"Harry Potter and the Miami Sound Machine!"
"Harry Potter and the Golden Pot Bowl!"
"Harry Potter and the Granny Broth!"
"Harry Potter and the Hot Goth Chicks!"
"Harry Potter and the Burning Wizz!"
"Harry Potter and the Hella-Boring Low-Paid Dead-End First Job!"
"Harry Potter and the Acidic Booger!"
"Harry Potter and the Long Stream of Drug References!"
"Harry Potter and the Poison Arrows From the Sky!"
"Harry Potter and the Restaurant at the End of the Universe!"
"Harry Potter and His New Roommate Saruman!"
"Harry Potter and the Caverns of Steel!"
"Harry Potter and the Mystery of the Fifth Beatle!"
"Harry Potter and the Nothing!"
"Harry Potter and the Estate of Roald Dahl's Lawyers!"
"Harry Potter and the God-Damned Riddle-Man!"
"Harry Potter Gets Schooled by the Elric Brothers!"
"Harry Potter and *S-O-O-O-O-O-O* Many Unresolved Plot Points." (It was funny for "Star Wars", it's funny here.)
-----
Off-topic, so consider this an addendum to Monday's post. You know how I said that the reputation of an excellent work of fiction that is a semi-obscure cult hit (like "Avatar") can be all but destroyed by a sh**ty film adaptation? Yeah. Meet the teaser trailer for the long-in-development-limbo film of The Time-Traveler's Wife (FYI, the last science fiction novel that made me think), which appears to have been filmed in Glorious "What Do You Mean it Wasn't Written by Nicholas Sparks?" Vision.
There will never be anything quite like Harry Potter within our lifetimes again. That's kind of a heavy thought to start out with, but what I mean is that we'll never see anything like the Harry Potter fandom again (sorry Twilight fans, you don't count).
The reason is simply because all the books are out there in the world for new fans to discover and read in order one after the other with no waiting. Let's not forget that it took so very long for each new book in the saga to be released. This was the first such book series to be released during the Web 2.0 revolution, and so fans were able to easily share their guesses as to what would happen next.
Some of the resultant fan-theories are pretty hilarious in hindsight, now that we know what actually happened in the story. And so, as you get pumped for the "Halfblood Prince" movie, here is my brief, humble tribute to my favorite such theories, in no particular order:
Lily Potter was an Animagus and Hedwig is her alternate form.
This one might just be my absolute favorite silly-in-hindsight fan theory. It is only matched by...
Ron Weasley is actually a time-traveling young Albus Dumbledore.
Curiously, this theory hinges not on the fact that Harry has such a close friendship with both characters - but because of the events surrounding the chess match in Philosopher's Stone. And because they both have (or had) red hair.
Neville is actually the Chosen One.
This hinged on Trelawney's -shall we say- less-than-reliability as a source of information. To be fair, the Prophesy could have been taken either way. Note that Neville's life sucks only marginally less than Harry's.
Neville is the Half-blood Prince.
Or, better yet...
Neville's pet toad Trevor is the Half-blood Prince.
Heheh, I still like this one.
Neville will be the one to defeat Bellatrix LeStrange. Poetic justice considering what she did to his family.
Yeah... about that...
Sirius Black is just hiding!
"And he's really Stubby Boardman! And the Veil really doesn't kill you for real; we don't even know what it was! And he can come back somehow! And Ponch from the Young Wizards series totally is really Sirius! And and and..."
Man, you'd think no beloved character ever died in a book before. (Where were these people to console me after I read Mostly Harmless?)
On a similar note:
Dumbledore will continue giving advice through his portrait.
Death, it turned out, really didn't stop Dumbledore from raining exposition on Harry -- though it didn't happen the way fans expected.
Speaking of the Portraits, we'll finally learn how the intellectual paintings actually work.
Whether they contain a bit of their subject's consciousness or if they're a direct line to the afterlife or something like that. We never really learned anything about how the paintings work and/or are produced. That's been kind of a disappointment for me.
Harry is a Horcrux and he dies in the last novel.
The second half of this theory isn't too out-there (and as we all know, Harry doesn't stay dead), but the first half is crazy enough for it to be genuinely surprising that it turned out to be true. Sort of. It was complicated.
Mrs. Weasley will go all Lt. Ripley on Bellatrix LeStrange.
Actually... I don't think any of us saw that one coming.
And for more fun, here's a repeat from an old MySpace blog post:
Things I hope do not happen in Deathly Hallows.* - Surprisingly, Norbert reappears and eats everyone.
* - A spell goes awry and everyone is transformed into different species of iguanas. The rumored spin-off series takes off from here.
* - Harry and Ron are riding their broomsticks around when out of nowhere, two a**holes in a passing truck shoot them both.
* - Kurt Russell meets everyone in an elevator in some mysterious building, where he calmly explains that they're all dead and dreaming the whole thing. (Yes, "Vanilla Sky" still has the most insulting cop-out ending ever.)
* - In a shocking twist, Draco flies down out of nowhere are skewers Ginny with a sword longer than she is tall.
* - Voldemort reveals the terrible truth of his tragic past and mysterious connection to Harry - immediately before he suddenly kills Harry. Harry finds himself in a strange world wracked by war and devoid of any magic whatsoever. Also, somehow Fritz Lang is involved.
* - My favorite character dies.
* - As the Universe is rebuilding itself after the destruction of Voldemort's evil, Harry promises Ginny that he will find her somehow even though they are seemingly being stranded in separate worlds (cause Harry is suddenly unable to jump a three foot gap).
* - Your favorite character dies.
* - We flash-forward to three years hence when Harry has a secret meeting with Ginny and he cries and cries at her "Why did we leave Hogwarts! It wasn't meant to happen! We have to go back, Ginny! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!!"
* - Two words: "Sopranos" ending.
And, what the hell, an old LaGremlin list:
Rejected Titles for the last Harry Potter Novel
"Harry Potter and the Magic Mushrooms!" (I guess you can already tell what direction we're going in here. I apologize.)
"Harry Potter and the Fantabulous All-Powerful Nose-Hairs of Mythra Khan!!!"
"Harry Potter and the Skull-Cracking Hangover!"
"Harry Potter and the Altar of Blood!"
"Harry Potter and the Evil Within!"
"Harry Potter and the Miami Sound Machine!"
"Harry Potter and the Golden Pot Bowl!"
"Harry Potter and the Granny Broth!"
"Harry Potter and the Hot Goth Chicks!"
"Harry Potter and the Burning Wizz!"
"Harry Potter and the Hella-Boring Low-Paid Dead-End First Job!"
"Harry Potter and the Acidic Booger!"
"Harry Potter and the Long Stream of Drug References!"
"Harry Potter and the Poison Arrows From the Sky!"
"Harry Potter and the Restaurant at the End of the Universe!"
"Harry Potter and His New Roommate Saruman!"
"Harry Potter and the Caverns of Steel!"
"Harry Potter and the Mystery of the Fifth Beatle!"
"Harry Potter and the Nothing!"
"Harry Potter and the Estate of Roald Dahl's Lawyers!"
"Harry Potter and the God-Damned Riddle-Man!"
"Harry Potter Gets Schooled by the Elric Brothers!"
"Harry Potter and *S-O-O-O-O-O-O* Many Unresolved Plot Points." (It was funny for "Star Wars", it's funny here.)
-----
Off-topic, so consider this an addendum to Monday's post. You know how I said that the reputation of an excellent work of fiction that is a semi-obscure cult hit (like "Avatar") can be all but destroyed by a sh**ty film adaptation? Yeah. Meet the teaser trailer for the long-in-development-limbo film of The Time-Traveler's Wife (FYI, the last science fiction novel that made me think), which appears to have been filmed in Glorious "What Do You Mean it Wasn't Written by Nicholas Sparks?" Vision.
Monday, July 13, 2009
So, about that "Last Airbender" teaser...
Here is the YouTube link for those who have not seen it. (And, as usual, the comments. Good God, the comments.)
The story so far: Once upon a time, there was a terrific animated series called "Avatar: the Last Airbender" (in America. It's known by other titles in other parts of the world where --this is true-- you can't say "Bender" on television. I wanna know how they deal with all the in-show dialogue. Or with "Futurama" and "The Breakfast Club" for that matter.) The series was one of the most critically acclaimed television series of the past five years, animated or otherwise, with excellent world-building, a compelling story, and -best of all- an astonishing attention to characterization and character development. (Sokka, Toph, and Iroh in particular are among my favorite characters ever, but I digress.) It gained that elusive thing that I suspect every animated series secretly hopes for: a very loyal and dedicated fan-following that crosses generational and cultural lines.
Unfortunately, the series was also controlled by a company that had no idea what they'd gotten their filthy meathooks on. Nickelodeon shuffled the series around it's schedule at a whim, split the final season into two seasons without any warning (Good God, can you imagine everyone tuning in for the next "American Idol" episode only to see a cartoon based upon "Barnyard"? And this goes on for a month with no explanation whatsoever? Why in the f*** were we supposed to put up with this B.S.? Sorry, I just opened up old wounds right there.), and has pretty much done everything in it's power to keep this series from gaining new fans. (OK, it isn't as bad as how Disney treats "Gargoyles" -- how the hell is a series going to gain new fans if it's only on at 3:30 in the God-damn morning?!? -- but still.)
Aside from all that, "Avatar" is an amazing series and you need to shut up and add it to your Netflix Queue right now. The second season is unreal.
So now this "Avatar" live-action film is on the way and so far fans have harped on M. Night Shyamalan's involvement, the improbability of condensing the story into a couple of hours, and, err, casting. (The last factor has become a bit of a touchy subject.) My reaction is simple, and it is basically the same as my reaction to any live-action adaptation of an animated series, particularly one I really really like:
Why?
Do we need a live-action "Avatar"? Really? Do we?
This is exactly the kind of series whose reputation among non-fans could be destroyed by a bad movie. (I've already read too many comments from people saying, "Well it'll keep the show's ten-year-old target audience occupied". AAAAAARRRRRGH!!!!!)
Remember how they tried -twice- and failed -twice- to make an "X Files" movie that doesn't suck? And how it turned out to be nigh impossible to condense the series' storyline into a couple of hours? And the thing is, a lot of people who never watched "X Files" still know at least a little of the basic plot: Years and years ago, Mulder's sister vanished, he's been trying to solve the mystery all his life, and he strongly suspects she was kidnapped by aliens. And that's just off the top of my head. Now ask one of your best friends what the basic plot of "Avatar" is. Go on. You'll probably want to get something to hit yourself in the head with first.
Truth be told, a commenter over at Neon Dragon's blog said it so I don't have to:
"I lost my excitement when it went from 'It's gonna be animated!'... to 'It's gonna be live action!' And then I heard (about) the casting producer's 'open call' and how she said 'If you're Swedish...wear lederhosen! If you're Korean... wear a kimono!' and decided I didn't want to give these people my money..." - KayJKay
In conclusion, if Platypusbears are not involved, the whole damn thing will be a complete waste of everyone's time.
The story so far: Once upon a time, there was a terrific animated series called "Avatar: the Last Airbender" (in America. It's known by other titles in other parts of the world where --this is true-- you can't say "Bender" on television. I wanna know how they deal with all the in-show dialogue. Or with "Futurama" and "The Breakfast Club" for that matter.) The series was one of the most critically acclaimed television series of the past five years, animated or otherwise, with excellent world-building, a compelling story, and -best of all- an astonishing attention to characterization and character development. (Sokka, Toph, and Iroh in particular are among my favorite characters ever, but I digress.) It gained that elusive thing that I suspect every animated series secretly hopes for: a very loyal and dedicated fan-following that crosses generational and cultural lines.
Unfortunately, the series was also controlled by a company that had no idea what they'd gotten their filthy meathooks on. Nickelodeon shuffled the series around it's schedule at a whim, split the final season into two seasons without any warning (Good God, can you imagine everyone tuning in for the next "American Idol" episode only to see a cartoon based upon "Barnyard"? And this goes on for a month with no explanation whatsoever? Why in the f*** were we supposed to put up with this B.S.? Sorry, I just opened up old wounds right there.), and has pretty much done everything in it's power to keep this series from gaining new fans. (OK, it isn't as bad as how Disney treats "Gargoyles" -- how the hell is a series going to gain new fans if it's only on at 3:30 in the God-damn morning?!? -- but still.)
Aside from all that, "Avatar" is an amazing series and you need to shut up and add it to your Netflix Queue right now. The second season is unreal.
So now this "Avatar" live-action film is on the way and so far fans have harped on M. Night Shyamalan's involvement, the improbability of condensing the story into a couple of hours, and, err, casting. (The last factor has become a bit of a touchy subject.) My reaction is simple, and it is basically the same as my reaction to any live-action adaptation of an animated series, particularly one I really really like:
Why?
Do we need a live-action "Avatar"? Really? Do we?
This is exactly the kind of series whose reputation among non-fans could be destroyed by a bad movie. (I've already read too many comments from people saying, "Well it'll keep the show's ten-year-old target audience occupied". AAAAAARRRRRGH!!!!!)
Remember how they tried -twice- and failed -twice- to make an "X Files" movie that doesn't suck? And how it turned out to be nigh impossible to condense the series' storyline into a couple of hours? And the thing is, a lot of people who never watched "X Files" still know at least a little of the basic plot: Years and years ago, Mulder's sister vanished, he's been trying to solve the mystery all his life, and he strongly suspects she was kidnapped by aliens. And that's just off the top of my head. Now ask one of your best friends what the basic plot of "Avatar" is. Go on. You'll probably want to get something to hit yourself in the head with first.
Truth be told, a commenter over at Neon Dragon's blog said it so I don't have to:
"I lost my excitement when it went from 'It's gonna be animated!'... to 'It's gonna be live action!' And then I heard (about) the casting producer's 'open call' and how she said 'If you're Swedish...wear lederhosen! If you're Korean... wear a kimono!' and decided I didn't want to give these people my money..." - KayJKay
In conclusion, if Platypusbears are not involved, the whole damn thing will be a complete waste of everyone's time.
Friday, July 10, 2009
I can walk like a penguin in 3-effin'-D!
I went to the New England Aquarium with my aunt and cousin who were both suffering a mean case of Bermuda withdrawal. The sketches I did pretty much speak for themselves, so do look at them please. We had a fantastic time.
Although I would like to talk about the Simon's IMAX 3-Effin'-D Theatre, since I'd never experienced the fury of a three-effin'-d (it will never stop being funny) IMAX film before.
It was... different.
The film we saw was something called "Under the Sea 3D", in which you look at beautiful footage of the Coral Triangle as Jim Carrey explains what's going on. (This is one of those documentaries that suffers from too much narration. So you start wondering if whomever was in charge of the narration hired Jim Carrey and asked him, early on, "Dude, could you tone it down a little?") It's nice. It also probably would have been just as entertaining as a conventional IMAX movie.
Now, the 3D glasses were comfortable on me, so that wasn't a problem (I've seen enough people complain about this that it felt worth mentioning). And the 3D itself wasn't too much of a distraction either -- not for the first half-hour anyway, but more on that later. It felt, oddly, like looking through a really big window. I'm used to 3D films where the fish and the sea serpents and the seals and all the little squid would appear to be floating out into the theater. Here it looked like all the animals were just about to break the fourth wall, but ultimately did not.
Then my eyes started to adjust to the effects and everything looked foggy and out of focus. It's a good thing this movie was only about forty-five minutes long, but it made me wary of seeing a full-length feature in this format.
For more on this, listen to this Onion AV Club podcast.
It's worth noting that, with me sketching everyone that caught my eye, we managed to see closing time. I have a talent for that.
(Man, it's funny to write about something you did a month ago. Am I up to date? I think I may finally be up to date! Woo! Did you know X-Entertainment has finally picked up the Advent Calender thread?)
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
My thoughts on the "Pixar Needs Women" debacle.
Here's the NPR blog post, "Dear Pixar, from all the girls with Band-Aids on their knees", by Linda Holmes, that started this whole... thing.
See, I really, really didn't want to have to post anything about this. But as I am a prospective animator with a uterus it seems obligatory. (And even that feels unfair, because I'm sure there are male artists who have an opinion about this too.)
First off, I think we can all agree that the history of animation in the United States is the good ol' Most Writers Are Male trope writ large. In heavy blocky letters. In red crayon. So it really isn't all that surprising that most of the lead characters in American animation are male (and I say American animation because I honestly don't know enough to discern whether this is a worldwide trend). And since I know my history and I know that it's still the case that most animators are male (and indeed, Pixar itself has a derth of women in it's writer credits -- but I don't think it will be very long before that changes) this issue honestly doesn't bother me that much.
But it bothers me a little.
See, I am an adult who is well versed in animation history, so I know why we didn't see a real-life Hazel Hedgehog in the Looney Tunes or Disney or Hannah-Barbera character casts. But we all know that this issue is being brought up because maybe it does bother young girls (of course, that's assuming that animation is for children, and that's a whole other issue that I can't get into right now unless you want a mile-long post. You really, REALLY don't want to get me started.) So maybe the thing to do is just ask kids what they fell about all this? That could be interesting.
I don't agree fully with Holmes' post, but I agree with her most reasonable request: We need more female leads in animation. And it'd be awesome if they don't need rescuing (a particularly weaksauce trend in animation is to have an exciting female lead who nonetheless can't seem to save the day by herself -- yes, I'm looking at you, people who adapted "Coraline"). And it'd also be awesome if they weren't largely defined by their relationships with whatever male characters are handy (also a weaksauce trend, see also The Bechdel Test.)
And I'm not saying it's bad for her to be a princess (though the specific Disney / Barbie Princess marketing blitz is yet another issue) and I'm not saying it's bad for her to be in a relationship. Heck, as far as the relationship issue, "Aliens" is a terrific textbook on how to handle it. Have you ever met anyone who described Ripley as "Hicks' girlfriend"?
There's certainly more to discuss here, but all told, Joss Whedon (who is male but can absolutely have a say in this) says it so I don't have to:
"(You ask,) 'So why do you write these strong women characters?' Because you're still asking that question!"
----
You will notice that The All-New, All-Different Realm of Madness has been added to the list of My Other Websites at right. There isn't anything there but the reviews, but that's more than plenty for now. It took me two and a half weeks to get everything they way I like; it was like the neverending project because I kept findingnew ways to be OCD about it new tasks to finish. I at least have a deadline (October 26) to rescue everything, but I am going to take a serious break before tackling the features.
See, I really, really didn't want to have to post anything about this. But as I am a prospective animator with a uterus it seems obligatory. (And even that feels unfair, because I'm sure there are male artists who have an opinion about this too.)
First off, I think we can all agree that the history of animation in the United States is the good ol' Most Writers Are Male trope writ large. In heavy blocky letters. In red crayon. So it really isn't all that surprising that most of the lead characters in American animation are male (and I say American animation because I honestly don't know enough to discern whether this is a worldwide trend). And since I know my history and I know that it's still the case that most animators are male (and indeed, Pixar itself has a derth of women in it's writer credits -- but I don't think it will be very long before that changes) this issue honestly doesn't bother me that much.
But it bothers me a little.
See, I am an adult who is well versed in animation history, so I know why we didn't see a real-life Hazel Hedgehog in the Looney Tunes or Disney or Hannah-Barbera character casts. But we all know that this issue is being brought up because maybe it does bother young girls (of course, that's assuming that animation is for children, and that's a whole other issue that I can't get into right now unless you want a mile-long post. You really, REALLY don't want to get me started.) So maybe the thing to do is just ask kids what they fell about all this? That could be interesting.
I don't agree fully with Holmes' post, but I agree with her most reasonable request: We need more female leads in animation. And it'd be awesome if they don't need rescuing (a particularly weaksauce trend in animation is to have an exciting female lead who nonetheless can't seem to save the day by herself -- yes, I'm looking at you, people who adapted "Coraline"). And it'd also be awesome if they weren't largely defined by their relationships with whatever male characters are handy (also a weaksauce trend, see also The Bechdel Test.)
And I'm not saying it's bad for her to be a princess (though the specific Disney / Barbie Princess marketing blitz is yet another issue) and I'm not saying it's bad for her to be in a relationship. Heck, as far as the relationship issue, "Aliens" is a terrific textbook on how to handle it. Have you ever met anyone who described Ripley as "Hicks' girlfriend"?
There's certainly more to discuss here, but all told, Joss Whedon (who is male but can absolutely have a say in this) says it so I don't have to:
"(You ask,) 'So why do you write these strong women characters?' Because you're still asking that question!"
----
You will notice that The All-New, All-Different Realm of Madness has been added to the list of My Other Websites at right. There isn't anything there but the reviews, but that's more than plenty for now. It took me two and a half weeks to get everything they way I like; it was like the neverending project because I kept finding
Monday, July 6, 2009
Further Trip Reportery: I Was on a Boat.
And I have seen the near-legendary Walt Disney / Salvador Dali insane crossover film "Destino" under the most convoluted circumstances imaginable.
Our story begins on board the Norwegian Spirit. As you recall from last week's post, she brought me and my family to Bermuda and back. The journey took two days coming and two and a half days going.
Having never cruised before, I enjoyed it a great deal and would highly recommend it. This is the first trip in a while where I can honestly say I feel brand new. It really changed me, and it made me want to go on more adventures once I got home.
This is largely because there's such an offbeat variety of things to do on the ship. Each night, we got a schedule from the Cruise Director of the next days events. They would include everything from musical reviews to wine tastings to Karaoke contests to Wii tournaments. Picking and choosing among the events is usually coupled with the thought-provoking fact that you will probably only know the other people who attend for a week, giving you that bravery of anonymity. Just to cover what I did:
* - I kicked all kids of ass at a Pictionary tournament that, sadly, had no prizes other than bragging rights. But they did serve Bellinis. I poked mine.
* - I swam in an Aquaswim pool. Because it was there. Because I love "GATTACA". Because I was on a ship in the middle of the cold north Atlantic at the time and I wanted to say I did.
* - I fell in love with Yellow Birds. I drank one out of a pineapple because I couldn't leave the subtropical Atlantic without saying I did.
* - I did a lot of things, mostly with my cousins and sister, that were awesome and very unlike me. Trying to describe them would be like trying to explain why that one party you went to was so amazing.
* - And, as stated above, I saw "Destino" under remarkably convoluted circumstances. Namely, the ship hosted a semi-daily art auction and they happened to be screening it, as they had an exclusive deal with Disney to show the film and sell prints of the artwork afterwards.
It is worth noting that there was free champagne at this auction.
The film is short, but it is amazing. It reminded me of the sequences from "Fantasia 2000" (which this was originally meant to be a part of), but it also reminded me a great deal of the more surreal sequences in the Anthology Films. Just consider for a moment the logistical complications of making Dali's artwork move and you have an idea of just how incredible the film is. Rumor has it that eventually we'll get a DVD release.
Eventually.
"Fantasia 2010" would be nice at this point too. I'm just sayin' is all.
Our story begins on board the Norwegian Spirit. As you recall from last week's post, she brought me and my family to Bermuda and back. The journey took two days coming and two and a half days going.
Having never cruised before, I enjoyed it a great deal and would highly recommend it. This is the first trip in a while where I can honestly say I feel brand new. It really changed me, and it made me want to go on more adventures once I got home.
This is largely because there's such an offbeat variety of things to do on the ship. Each night, we got a schedule from the Cruise Director of the next days events. They would include everything from musical reviews to wine tastings to Karaoke contests to Wii tournaments. Picking and choosing among the events is usually coupled with the thought-provoking fact that you will probably only know the other people who attend for a week, giving you that bravery of anonymity. Just to cover what I did:
* - I kicked all kids of ass at a Pictionary tournament that, sadly, had no prizes other than bragging rights. But they did serve Bellinis. I poked mine.
* - I swam in an Aquaswim pool. Because it was there. Because I love "GATTACA". Because I was on a ship in the middle of the cold north Atlantic at the time and I wanted to say I did.
* - I fell in love with Yellow Birds. I drank one out of a pineapple because I couldn't leave the subtropical Atlantic without saying I did.
* - I did a lot of things, mostly with my cousins and sister, that were awesome and very unlike me. Trying to describe them would be like trying to explain why that one party you went to was so amazing.
* - And, as stated above, I saw "Destino" under remarkably convoluted circumstances. Namely, the ship hosted a semi-daily art auction and they happened to be screening it, as they had an exclusive deal with Disney to show the film and sell prints of the artwork afterwards.
It is worth noting that there was free champagne at this auction.
The film is short, but it is amazing. It reminded me of the sequences from "Fantasia 2000" (which this was originally meant to be a part of), but it also reminded me a great deal of the more surreal sequences in the Anthology Films. Just consider for a moment the logistical complications of making Dali's artwork move and you have an idea of just how incredible the film is. Rumor has it that eventually we'll get a DVD release.
Eventually.
"Fantasia 2010" would be nice at this point too. I'm just sayin' is all.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Bermuda Trip Report: In which Trish Feels the Lo-ooooooove...
Note that much of the following post will just be me repeating the text from this set of photographs, but it'll be a little more coherent.
So I went to Bermuda for a family reunion. We had planned this trip over a year ago, and we were partially inspired by this:
We knew that my Grandfather was stationed in Bermuda during World War Two for a while. After he passed away, we found this beautiful scrapbook he kept during that time period. It was remarkably well preserved. It turns out that, sixty-seven years ago (if I'm doing my math right; it was in 1942), he arrived in the archipelago on the same day we arrived. Very cool; we toasted him several times during the trip. We decided early on that we'd try to visit as many places as possible that he mentioned frequently.
We went to Bermuda by boat; specifically, the Norwegian Spirit. She's a big, beautiful ship and I am still digesting the cruise itself. It could easily fill another whole post. For the most part, trying to describe the fun my family and I had would be like trying to explain why that awesome time you had once in college was so much fun. There are a few specific events worth mentioning later. One of them involves Salvador Dali.
Really, the biggest highlight overall was the fact that it took me only this one week to fill an entire Arches Carnet de Voyage. I usually act like it's the hardest damn thing in the world to fill a Sketchbook in one month, so this was a pretty big deal.
Landscapes usually aren't my thing; turns out SEAscapes might be my thing. The one above might be my favorite. This little (Barn?) Swallow flew along our ship for a while, then flew off to God knows where in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Think about this for a second. I can add swallows to my list of animals who have unexpectedly turned out to be pretty badass.
We docked in King's Warf. This used to be the Royal Naval Dockyard and I'm not sure if it's still used by the military, but it was a very crucial Naval base not too long ago. All of the buildings are very old, but they are still in use. The building in the picture above is the old Commissioner's House, and it's now the main building of the Maritime Museum. The Museum contained a lovely collection of Wartime memorobilia, a herd of invisible sheep (seriously, I kept dodging their poop on the ground but saw neither hoof nor horn of them), and something called DolphinQuest.
This is how I spent my Towel Day, appropriately enough. On the one hand, you are a mere seven feet away from an alien intelligence. On the other hand, you are also seven feet away from tourists who have payed upwards of $300.00 to touch that alien.
Can't help but think that, when the human/dolphin communication gap is finally breached for good, we will not enjoy what the dolphins have to say about us.
Honestly, in hindsight, King's Warf was the nicest of all the ports we visited. We hit Bermuda's other two main cities: Hamilton and St. George. They were both very nice in their own respective ways, but King's Warf wasn't as crowded as either of them and was relatively quiet.
Also, we only had two and a half days to play on the islands. Of those days, everything was closed for a day and a half. See, we arrived on the Sunday before Bermuda's national holiday. Visiting Hamilton (or any city, really) when nothing is open and there are almost no people hanging out was eerie. Fortunately, we spent Bermuda Day snorkeling, and that made up for it:
I did the first painting after a shore excursion (funny how Norwegian calls them shore excursions even though most of them in Bermuda took place at sea) to the Seagardens, an offshore series of coral reefs. The second painting I did on-sight at Tobacco Bay, a well-known beach near St. George. Both places were amazing for completely different reasons and they are two of my top three highlights from Bermuda. I think I'm hooked on snorkeling. I just need to figure out the logistics of snorkeling off Wollaston Beach...
My third favorite place in Bermuda was the Crystal and Fantasy Caves park. This was my one "if I don't get to see this, I will be very sad" must-see place. It defies description but I will say this: you half expect to turn a corner and see a half-eaten Doozer construction. Jim Henson's art directors absolutely did not make anything up. I caught glimpses of "Labyrinth" and "Dark Crystal" as well as "Fraggle Rock" down there. Fine time for my camera to run out of memory.
I can honestly say that I was sad to leave the islands. But the ride there and back again is a story all it's own. I'll cover that in a future post.
----
I just rescued all of Nessie's reviews and they can now be found on The All-New, All-Different Realm of Mad-Ness. Happy Independence Day!
So I went to Bermuda for a family reunion. We had planned this trip over a year ago, and we were partially inspired by this:
We went to Bermuda by boat; specifically, the Norwegian Spirit. She's a big, beautiful ship and I am still digesting the cruise itself. It could easily fill another whole post. For the most part, trying to describe the fun my family and I had would be like trying to explain why that awesome time you had once in college was so much fun. There are a few specific events worth mentioning later. One of them involves Salvador Dali.
Landscapes usually aren't my thing; turns out SEAscapes might be my thing. The one above might be my favorite. This little (Barn?) Swallow flew along our ship for a while, then flew off to God knows where in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Think about this for a second. I can add swallows to my list of animals who have unexpectedly turned out to be pretty badass.
Can't help but think that, when the human/dolphin communication gap is finally breached for good, we will not enjoy what the dolphins have to say about us.
Honestly, in hindsight, King's Warf was the nicest of all the ports we visited. We hit Bermuda's other two main cities: Hamilton and St. George. They were both very nice in their own respective ways, but King's Warf wasn't as crowded as either of them and was relatively quiet.
Also, we only had two and a half days to play on the islands. Of those days, everything was closed for a day and a half. See, we arrived on the Sunday before Bermuda's national holiday. Visiting Hamilton (or any city, really) when nothing is open and there are almost no people hanging out was eerie. Fortunately, we spent Bermuda Day snorkeling, and that made up for it:
My third favorite place in Bermuda was the Crystal and Fantasy Caves park. This was my one "if I don't get to see this, I will be very sad" must-see place. It defies description but I will say this: you half expect to turn a corner and see a half-eaten Doozer construction. Jim Henson's art directors absolutely did not make anything up. I caught glimpses of "Labyrinth" and "Dark Crystal" as well as "Fraggle Rock" down there. Fine time for my camera to run out of memory.
I can honestly say that I was sad to leave the islands. But the ride there and back again is a story all it's own. I'll cover that in a future post.
----
I just rescued all of Nessie's reviews and they can now be found on The All-New, All-Different Realm of Mad-Ness. Happy Independence Day!
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