Let's See What "Toy Wishes" Thought Millenial Kids Wanted for Christmas!

A Christmas post!  In May!  How timely!  My reasoning is twofold: 1) Going through these old magazines in roughly reverse-chronological order seems like the most fun way to go, especially since I want to save one of the oldest for last.  2) It snowed up here last week.


So today our journey through the '90's starts in the year 2000.  Decades do tend to leak into one-another at the edges.  We'll go over strange ads I found in other, older magazines at the end. Before we go past the cover, though, I'd like to point out that Harry Potter always looked higher than the moon in that particular illustration, and I really don't think anyone can be said to "win" when the prize is live-action "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" merchandise. On that subject...

Every single one of the things in the picture above is terrible.  But especially that ghastly RC car.  And the bath scrubbies.  And those gift boxes that look to be covered in the Grinch and Max's pelts...

On top of that, gifting a movie tie-in book rather than, you know, the original Dr. Seuss book to a child is in every way a nastier, grinchier trick than anything any version of the Grinch has ever done.  You know what, let's stuff all this Grinch movie crap in a box, shoot it into space, and direct our attention instead to Harry Potter merchandise.

Or... maybe let's not.  I do still find it hilarious that anyone ever thought it was a good idea to market mucus and fish flavored candy, when it's clearly meant as a joke in the books.  But basically, this is what you had for Harry Potter inspired food before officially licensed butterbeer.

Honestly, the merchandising of Harry Potter in these days was weird all around.  These limited edition figures aren't pictured but pictures are pretty easy to find on eBay.  I'm just not sure how appealing a ceramic statue of Hagrid about to be mauled by Norbert is to a kid, especially when the damn thing originally retailed at eighty dollars.

Also, LOL forever at that singing fish.  Yeah, we all still have one of those hanging around somewhere.

Man, I don't even know what I could add to these "Disney Dinosaur" toys that would make them funnier.  It is a good reminder of how garish and ugly the advertising campaign was. 

(You'd also think they'd advertise even just one toy of the supposedly highly marketable cute furry things some jackasses insisted this movie about dinosaurs had to have but oh well.)

How about some random ads then?

And I just made us all sad.

The live-action "101 Dalmatians" movies were God-damn inescapable for a few years.  For a reminder of that, stare into these dogs' unnerving people-eyes in despair.

I can say with all certainty that if I did not already know what they were like, this image would have made me never want to play a "Rayman" game ever.  Mother of God...

Aw, but that's why I like TV!  Oh, '90's Enjoying-Violent-Media-Shaming.

Note also that Constable Odo is hip and up with the young people.

I already know that Kiddified versions of Beach Boys songs sung by animals is kind of a Thing, but since I just recently watched "Love and Mercy", this strikes me as... awkward...

And finally, let's have a concert in a place that is currently being plowed over to make room for Star Wars.  Love that Walt Disney Records logo, though.

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Drawing of the Day

Hey, you know what's strange?  I didn't find any interesting "Pokemon" toys in Toy Wishes.

Inktober Day 23 - Bird-Horses!

Baby Hippogriffs and Hippalectryon (which is kind of a reverse-hippogriff).

Florida Holiday 2011 Trip Report - More Universal!

(Sign is from the new -to us- Simpsons Ride, which is outstanding.)

As I had mentioned, it'd been a long time since we'd been to Universal Studios, Florida. On our day there, while we were focused on seeing the Wizarding World of Harry Potter, we wound up visiting both parks even though they both closed absurdly early.



Some of the areas in Islands of Adventure now look a little... dull... compared to Hogsmeade. Jurassic Park, for example, probably the reason why Universal went for an Island theme in the first place, has one rather disappointing ride with maybe six dinosaurs, a kiddie play area with another ride that is absurdly ill-conceived (it is essentially a ski-lift), a show that is all but gone, and dozens and dozens of snack bars and gift shops. At least the recreation of the visitor's center, pictured above, is spot-on. And even better...



They decorate it for Christmas! There aren't a lot of holiday things to see in IOA, so let's head over to Universal Studios proper.



Bar none the weirdest thing about our Universal Orlando trip is that when we entered the park, one of our first thoughts was, "why isn't the Hogwarts Express a ride? It seems so obvious! And wouldn't it be awesome if there was some kind of transportation between the two Universal parks?"

And then, a little later in the day, we went towards this area attacked by Groverfield and rode "Jaws". Huh...



There are a small number of costumed characters wandering Universal and they're all pretty random. Basically, if you are an animated character, and Disney doesn't own the rights to you (and in a few extremely special circumstances when they do own the rights to you), you could end up in Universal. I kinda dig Scooby Doo and Shaggy's festive appearance here.



For a certain generation, this sign out of context is the stuff of nightmares.



One of the strangest holdovers from the earliest days of Universal Florida is this playground based off "An American Tail". And not the original movie either, but the... polarizing sequel. Furthermore, as the sign shows, there was a much stronger "see how we make movies!" theme to this park, not unlike Disney's Hollywood Studios.



Even though the parks closed early, there was enough time after dark to admire the beautiful lights along the various streets in the park.

Wait a minute...



On that note, I think we need to leave Universal tomorrow and head over to Disney World finally. On to Part Eight!

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Sketch of the Day!

Did these on the plane ride down:

Florida Holiday 2011 Trip Report - Come to Hogwarts for the Holidays!

We hadn't been to Universal Studios Florida in a long time. As you may have heard, there was some new stuff to see there. Yes, our goal was to visit the awkwardly named park-within-a-park Wizarding World of Harry Potter, and oh there are many things to discuss about that. We'll get there eventually, but it's a long walk.



We passed by this odd construction on our way into CityWalk. The monster in front is throwing me off; anyone have any ideas what this could be? I've heard everything from an elaborate new store to a mini-golf course.



I'd heard that Universal doesn't decorate or do much for the holiday season, but that turned out to be very wrong. They only "don't do much" in comparison to Disney. Islands of Adventure concentrates most of it's decorating to Seuss Landing, turning it into Whoville. Awww...



{Ace Ventura} "YEEEEUMMY!!!" {/Ace Ventura}



Team Jacob! But not that Jacob!



Oh, Merlin's beard we're here already!

Alright, since this is my first visit to WWOHP (I'll just call it Hogsmeade from now on), I'll talk a little bit about what I thought of the park with an eye towards setting, park design, and how successful it is in immersing you into a fictional city. In short, this is the part where I nerd it up.

Overall, it is very impressive indeed and the very best part is, in fact, that set design. Built into about half of the Lost Continent "land" of IOA (the more whimsical fairy tale area rather than the more serious mysterious myths and legendary legends section), Hogsmeade is maybe just a little bit bigger than the Germany village of EPCOT's World Showcase. They look and feel somewhat similar as well, with all the shops sort of flowing into each-other and an overall very effective "this is a real little town that is hundreds of years old" feel.



Pictured: A bunch a book-readin' loser nerds nerding out.

This does bring up some oddities though. In World Showcase, each little international city is purposefully designed to look special no matter what direction you enter them from and there's enough transitional space so that it isn't too jarring going from, say, Norway to China. Now, this is partially because Walt Disney World has the benefit of space. Universal, sadly, must cram things in where they can fit, which results in sights like this:



Yeah. Additionally, Hogsmeade is really only intended to be entered from the counterclockwise path we took. What you see above is the other entrance.

Now on top of this, you have the number of people who want to visit a Harry Potter theme park vs. book-accurate recreations of Ollivander's and the Three Broomsticks. The result is a deeply uneasy compromise, and you end up seeing things like a line for Ollivander's that is longer then the one for the flagship ride. As for the Three Broomsticks:



Pictured: Authentic English pub.

Our meal at the Three Boomsticks brought my attention to another very important difference between Disney and Universal: Disney cast members are the nicest people on the planet. Their main motivation is for you to take your time and enjoy your experiences to the fullest.

Universal people want you to get your food, get on your ride, and get out. Okay, maybe not, but everything in the Three Groomsticks felt rushed as hell. And I probably ought to mention that it's a cafeteria, not a sit-down restaurant. Eh, at least the food is pretty good.



As far as drinks, since everyone seems curious about this. Butterbeer is... pretty good. On recommendation, I went for the frozen version. I actually rather liked the pumpkin juice better. I have a soft spot for drinks that smell like pumpkins and for things served in containers shaped like fruit. Little touches like that, and the Cauldron Cakes on display above, make me happy.



A-yi-yi, this is running long! I'll end here with my review of the one new ride in Wizarding World: Harry Potter and the Forbidden Journey. Housed inside (seemingly at least) Hogwarts Castle, which is an amazing achievement in itself, rising like a rude gesture in Mickey's face into the sky, the ride is so state of the art, nobody really knows how to describe it. Attendants will compare it to Soarin' or Star Tours only because there is nothing out there at all like it. If there is one ride that is somewhat similar, it's the Spider-Man ride in the same park. Even then, Harry Potter and the Forbin Project is like Spider-Man on some kind of mood-altering substance.

Before you get on the actual ride, you experience what is, in my opinion, the most outstanding part of the overall attraction: the tour through Hogwarts. On busy days, I suppose you have a lot of time in each room of the castle and enough time to see each little show in each room. The effects are outstanding and the little details and in-jokes are terrific. Unfortunately, when the wait is short you are rushed through the rooms to get all but shoved into your ride vehicle at the end. There is an alternative, the "walking tour", which starts through an alternate pathway at first, then you join the real queue in Dumbledore's office. It's designed for kids too little to ride but is a fun experience for anyone.

Which brings us to the ride itself... Ye Gods. The technology is superb, certainly, but the whole thing is like a rude gesture in the face of people who still think Harry Potter is for little kids. And that rude gesture takes the form of a Dementor eight inches away from you.

Since "Will I Be Able To Handle 'Harry Potter: Friendship is Magic' Because of (enter thing person is afraid of here)" posts pop up so often on DISboards, I give you a public service announcement:Auntie Tricia's Handy-Dandy Islands of Adventure 'Harry Potter and the Gooey Kablooey' Disclaimer Warning Sign Translation Guide!
What Universal's Official Warning Signs Say: Vague warning, something about claustrophobia.What They Really Mean: This ride was made for people who are fond of being locked in a very snug box (and mind you, I am thin) which is arranged in such a way that the ride feels like a solo excursion even though your friends are six inches to the right and left of you.What Universal's Official Warning Signs Say: Guests who suffer motion sickness maybe shouldn't ride, or something.What They Really Mean: Guests who may freak the eff out when their flying box starts falling backwards should be at least aware that this is going to happen. It's cool though; you never actually go upside-down, right?What Universal's Official Warning Signs Say: This ride involves smoke and lighting effects.What They Really Mean: Hey, do you enjoy monsters and dragons and giant spiders and more giant spiders and oh God, giant spiders everywhere and giant spiders for nigh on twenty damn minutes and antisocial trees and demons who eat your sanity popping up like a couple of feet away from your face for the whole ride? Of course you do! Who wouldn't?

Next post, more fun in Universal! And a decreasing likelihood that this trip report will be finished by Christmas...

On to Part Seven!
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Sketch of the Day!

A Veritable Smorgasbord-orgasbord-orgasbord of Links of Interest!

First off, thank you, everyone, for the outpouring of kind words and thoughts after the last post. It means an awful lot, you don't even know.

Tetrapod Zoology is five years old! Darren Naish's book, incidentally, is very good. I will warn you that it's basically a collection of older blog posts that, for the most part, were not archived online.

David Orr has a fantastic recap of Science Online 2011 at Love in the Time of Chasmosaurs, with a focus on their discussion of the role of art in paleontology. And it reminds me that I have to say some stuff about Brian Engh's... different take on sauropods.

Speaking of prehistoric beasties, Mrs. T! Mrs. T! Mrs. T!!!

Also, the terrific Dinosaur Tracking has some musing on whether we'll ever see a fourth "Jurassic Park". It also gives us a reason to worry about "Terra Nova": "We have dinosaurs we know existed from the fossil record but you get to make up your own dinosaurs as well!" - Showrunner Brannon Braga (To which I say, No. No, you cannot. No, no, no, NO, NO, NO, GODDAMMITSOMUCH!!!)

I said in my review of "Harry Potter Reloaded" that the highlight of the whole movie, and perhaps the best moment in any "Harry Potter" movie thus far, was the animated sequence retelling "The Tale of the Three Brothers". Alexis Liddell has shared his fabulous concept art for the sequence on his blog recently. It's something to see.

Comics Alliance and Topless Robot both reported on a brilliant short film entitled "Lazy Teenage Superheroes". Have a look here. Whole thing cost $300.00. Holy. Sh*t.

Fark.com linked to some article about animals in the Telegraph and while I read it, I spied this spectacular gallery of birds in mid-flight photographed by Roy Hancliff. Prepare to be inspired.

The delightfully named Bogleech Blog (Blogleech?), run by the delightfully twisted Scythemantis has a recap of the recent episode of the delightful "Pokemon" Anime centering around a character who already has a very dedicated cult following: Yabukuron, the living trash bag. He also comments on some of the supposed English names for the Black/White critters. (I will believe them when I see an official release from Nintendo.)

Speaking of "Pokemon", Valigarmander has posted his truly epic chart of bizarre entries in the various Pokedexes throughout the game series. It begs the question, how are humans even alive with these things running around?

Bad Astronomy has a reaction to yet another epic science reporting failure that managed to slip past me (since nobody I know mentioned it, I suppose that's a good sign). In other news, Zaphod! NOOOO!!!

If you are somehow unaware of the wonder and magic that is Nedroid, these adorable 200+ Bad Comics Challenge posts are a great place to start. Read them here and here. I think I need to do the same challenge someday.

TouringPlans.com has a small collection of Disney news, mostly about the ongoing construction happening throughout Walt Disney World. Basically, it may not be worth it to go down there this spring. But this time next year... holy Iwerks!

The Audubon Society's blog has a criticism of the recent, and very strange, "Bears Love McDonalds" commercial.

And finally, Tracy J. Butler, of the awe-inspiring Lackadaisy Cats (seriously, I am in awe of her draftsmanship), has created a priceless tutorial/chart on facial expressions.

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Art of the Day!

I did this little watercolor study of aquatic plant life in October and never got around to uploading it. Thought a little taste of warmer weather might cheer us all up:

Thoughts on "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part the first"

Happy Cyber-Monday everyone! (Fffft-hahahahaha!!! [There is a pregnant pause.] Yeah, so Zazzle's has had some really good deals this weekend so if you want to buy a T-shirt...)

I just saw "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One" over the holiday weekend, and I rapidly developed a... I mean, I got to experience first hand "Babbletrish and the Head Cold from Hell" the morning after. I apologize if this review is a little incoherent.

Well, it's just like the book.

No, I really mean that. "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One" is darn near EXACTLY the movie I saw in my imagination as I was reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows on that lovely summer night, a few years ago.

I mean this for good and for ill. It says a lot that the kinds of changes I noticed were things like, "But Nagini's a Gaboon Viper, not an Anaconda!" and, "Wait, was Dobby in this scene?"

The mildest of spoilers: Basically, what you are going to see in this movie is Harry and Ron and Hemione's Bogus Camping Journey. You are going to see ALL of it. The fact that the Trio spend a lot of the book mucking around in the forest avoiding villains, fretting over where the horcruxes and Hallows are, and (to be honest, stupidly) taking turns wearing the Potterverse equivalent of the One Ring was a frequent criticism of the novel. Thing is, this is the kind of thing that works well in writing; you get to spend a lot of time in each character's head, and it builds the tension, raising the stakes so that the final conflict is that much more of an emotional payoff. But film, as it has been said so often, is a brutally literal medium. So what we see is three kids in the woods being emo at each-other.

But I know, from the book, that there's a bunch of exciting stuff to come. Other readers will as well. But what of the people who are only following the film series? From the reviews I have heard and read, they aren't very happy with "Part One"at all. Generally, I agree with them that I'd have been much, much happier with one really long movie. It should be pointed out that most of the most interesting scenes in the trailer are evidently from "Part 2".

On that note, I had been jokingly comparing "Deathly Hallows" parts one and two to "Matrix Reloaded" and "Revolutions", when it was announced that "Hallows" would be split into two films. But now I think my comparison is dead-on. Luckily, we were in a theater full of fans for both "Reloaded" and "Hallows", so I wasn't overhearing people asking, "what's going on?" "Who's that character?" "What did that important-looking guy say when I asked who that character was?"

I bring this up because, like the "Matrix" movies, "Hallows" does not waste one millisecond explaining the situation so far. This is not a movie to watch if you are merely curious about the Harry Potter phenomenon. New viewers will be completely and utterly locked out. If you never saw any of the other movies or read the books, too bad for you.

Now, honestly, I admire this kind of thing usually. But I know a lot of people are going to be very upset about it. Heck, there were times when I felt locked out myself! (I know I'm probably going to remember later, but couldn't they spare a quick line of dialogue to explain the piece of magic mirror Harry keeps around and the character whose face appears in it?)

The film ends so abruptly that I feel like I can't even rightly form an opinion of it until I can watch both halves together (absolutely the way to go if you have never watched the full "Matrix' trilogy, by the way). All in all, it is a very odd moviegoing experience indeed, especially since, for what it is, I enjoyed myself a lot. The Imax is gorgeous, the digital projection is phenomenal, and there's an animated sequence within the film that is absolutely brilliant and maybe the single best scene in any of the "Harry Potter" films.

An important word of warning for parents: If you take a very young child to see this instead of, say, "Tangled", you are a bad parent. The "Harry Potter" series effectively stopped being kid's films at the end of "Goblet of Fire". Readers: The Bathilda Bagshot scene is in the movie. I'm surprised too; I'd have bet that'd be the first thing to be cut. Everyone else: Errr... without spoiling things, there's a scene that will send herpetophobes into therapy for years. Also, there's a scene where two main characters make out in the nude (it's a hallucination brought on by an evil spirit but still...), a few naughty words, and a puppy dies in the end. OK, the last thing doesn't literally happen, but what does happen is close. No, this is not a movie you want to bring little kids to.

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Sketch of the day! In honor of Leslie Nielsen, who was in some of the funniest movies ever made and who will be missed by multiple generations of fans, I give you kitties!

Walt Disney World Trip Report part 2: Magic Kingdom pre-Princesses

Best thing about going on an exciting trip for a week is that you come home with a week's worth of blog posts. :)

Now in case you have not heard, some very interesting things have been happening in the world of central Florida theme parks. It is, to put it lightly, a damn good time to be a fan of theme parks. When they compete with each other, we win, as each park will try to design more awesome attractions than what their competitor has lined up.
Which brings us to the mayhem that is unfolding as we speak. If you were watching the Winter Olympics, you certainly saw this commercial maybe eighty times:

Now, we didn't go to Universal this trip (the ad says that the park will be "coming this spring" but according to a recent press release, "Spring" = "The middle of June" -- and I feel bad not warning my fellow airplane passengers of this), but I have seen Hogwarts Castle from the road, rising in the air like a giant middle finger right in Mickey's face.
Now, here's the fun part. At the D23 Expo (a huge convention for Disney fans; it's surprising that there was never anything like that before), Mickey essentially countered with this bigger, and even ruder gesture in Universal's face:

So as I visited Magic Kingdom this time, I was on the lookout for (a) evidence of construction and (b) things that might not be there next time we go.

Construction in the Magic Kingdom must be interesting to work on. They need to work on a project without destroying the illusion of being in a magical land. They probably work mostly at night. They hide their progress well; you wouldn't know that Cinderella Castle was being worked on unless you looked very hard.

The construction here in Fantasyland is a little easier to make out. This view will be radically different in a few years.

Now so far the biggest point of contention in Disney message boards, regarding the Magic Kingdom expansion, is that there isn't anything new for boys what will become of Toontown? The history of this little "land" has been... interesting to say the least. A full rundown can be found over at the lovely Walt Dated World. I very distinctly remember riding the train into this new "land". And I do have vague memories of the first version of the stage show described on the site.

Now Toontown is basically a place for people to meet the Disney characters in a predictable spot. It's niche is gradually being overtaken by the old Emporium building right when you enter Main Street. (This building was the site of one of our best serendipitous moments. I went in hoping to see a different animated mural -- this one does exist and shows off all the significant moments in Disney history -- and wound up meeting all manner of Disney characters. It was raining, so the Magic Kingdom was practically empty, and we got lots of attention. So I can't ever not say that I was hugged by a bunch of people in furry suits on my B-day.

Tellingly, we saw no characters at all in Toontown. So, instead, here is a photo of me in Minnie's house. Note the Notorious Birthday Button.
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Sketch of the Day! Now, in all my journeys to WDW, I have never ever tried a Dole Whip. This time, I went well out of my way to rectify this glaring oversight.

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I was listening to Episode 24 of the very nice Sci-Fi Saturday Night podcast and was delighted to hear them give a shout-out to the Comicbook Artists Guild (they were actually giving away some art we had donated during the October Boston Comicon as a contest prize. Still, very cool.)
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I feel incredibly bad for all the animation fans in New Hampshire.
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I also watched "$9.99" and... well, about fifteen minutes in, I had to ask myself what will henceforth be known as the "Only Yesterday" Question: Would I have watched this entire movie if it were live-action? It is, essentially, one of those "just a bunch of things that happened" movies -- but it's all stop-motion animation. I can't even say whether I liked it or if I can recommend it. I will say this: it is weird in ways you would not expect a stop-motion existential film about just a bunch of stuff that happens to be... if that makes any sense.

Meet the New Superbowl Ads! Same as the Old Superbowl Ads!

Another batch of opinions, hastily posted by somebody who wasn't all that invested in the game. (Dammit, Bill!) This may not be the most coherent post in the world, since it's almost quarter of two in the morning now, but here goes:

"The Last Airbender" teaser - Uh... eh. I think I've made my opinions on the prospects of a live-action "Avatar: the Last Airbender" movie perfectly clear by now and this teaser didn't really change anything. What strikes me as odd is the fact that, had I tuned in a minute later I would have missed it entirely.

Boostmobile Shuffle - OK, this one got a laugh out of me. For those of you who are to young to get the reference, enjoy the very first time I realized that athletes should never sing. Ever.

Doritoes and Budweiser - Man, their commercials this year were either just plane weird or boring. Doritoes in particular; it looked like they were using the ideas from their contest a while back that came in a distant second.

"Robin Hood: Prince of Some Stuff" - "Gee, Homer, that's a good idea but I think they've already made movies based on A Christmas Carol." "Yeah, well, what about Robin Hood?"
On the other hand, I am hoping they make this movie into another "EXCITING cereal".

"Wolfman" - Team DelToro!!!

Monster.com Beaver - I like the puppetry, but this is a good example of an ad that is really elaborate but doesn't make any damn sense. The Budweiser Bridge ad was like this too. The ur-example of this kind of Superbowl ad comes from 1997. (Bonus: Two or three instantly-dated references for the price of one!)

GoDaddy.com - This may be the greatest and best web-hosting service in the entire Internet, and all most people associate them with are these "to hot for TV" ads. Good jarb ad execs.

Coke Simpsons - Yaaaay!!! I feel like I ought to comment more on this ad as it's the only memorable animated ad. It's wikkid late. I don't want to.

Career Builder and Dockers - To ads in a row with guys in their underwear. Good luck telling them apart.

Teleflora - Hey, I remember this from last year!

"Alice in Wonderland" and "Tru TV Groundhog Day" - I must have mentioned somewhere on this blog that the deepest depth of the Uncanny Valley is inhabited by those staples of Superbowl ads, CGI Babies Who Do Things Normal Babies Don't Do. Well, I was wrong. The real inhabitants are People With Giant CGI Heads (or Normal-Sized Heads On Little CGI Bodies, it's hard to tell).

Universal's Wizarding World of Harry Potter - And I've given so much attention to the history of the Disney/MGM or Hollywood or whatever they're calling it now Studios in Walt Disney World that I feel like I must have discussed the equally strange history of Universal Studios Florida as well. This ad reminds me of the seriously trippy ads used to introduce the park in the first place. I don't think Wizarding World will be open by the time I get to Florida next month (more on that later), but having visited the spot where I think it's going, it's a little hard to believe that this is going to be more elaborate than a retheming of the Lost Continent part of Islands of Adventure.

Dr. Pepper Little Kiss - Ugh. Just... ugh.

"Prince of Persia: the Color Orange!" - With the memory of what happened after "Pirates of the Caribbean" fresh in my head, let me say this: I don't want little girls and their moms suddenly saying they've "Always been a Jake Gyllenhaal fan!" You sit through "The Good Girl" and "The Day After Tomorrow" just for him and then maybe we'll let you in the fan club. Maybe.

HomeAway.com - Here's a depressing trend for you. Commercials for commercials. As in, you had to go online to watch the full version of this. Bah.

Dennys screaming chickens - And here's the most irritating and most impossible to like commercial this year.

"The Crazies" - Interesting and creepy ad for what appears to be an entirely unremarkable thriller. Funny thing is, I would have expected to see an "Iron Man 2" teaser instead.

Google Paris Romance - Awwwwww... See now, this is how you do it.

EDIT: Reviews of ads I have not mentioned can be found at the Onion AV Club. It's funny how the blatant misogyny and anti-intellectualism, especially of the Bud ads, didn't immediately register with me. Then again, I remember when every single beer ad felt like that Duff beer "down with sexism" ad from an early episode of "The Simpsons" (still brilliant but YouTube has sadly failed me).

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Sketch of the day!

I'm also selling a set of ACEOs on Ebay this week, just to see how they do.

_The Time-Traveler's Wife_ , "Howl's Moving Castle", and other old reviews rescued from MySpace

(Originally posted on 3/22/06.)
When I started my old MySpace blog, I was on the hunt for a decent book. I had quite a few disappointments, even giving up on books that had been highly recommended to me. So I halfheartedly pick out a book I'd seen at the Library for some time now that looked kind of interesting, Audrey Niffenegger's The Time-Traveler's Wife. Go figure, it ended up being the first book in a long time that, about three chapters in, I had to do the Neverending Story thing with. (Neverending Story thing = Locking oneself in an attic and finishing a thoroughly amazing and engrossing book in one go. You know what that's like don't you?
Don't you?
I am a nerd.)
This is a book that made me laugh, it made me sob, it made me blush, and it made me shudder and - this is the kicker right here - the f___er made me think. And best of all, it made me think in the same way that my favorite truly thought-provoking fantastic fiction made me think. It takes a worn out fantasy concept and treats it with all-out seriousness, daring to ask what living with this fantastic element would really be like. (What I mean by this is, for example, that we learn the sometimes kinky, more often heartbreaking, and darn near always hellishly confusing and upsetting ramifications of quantum sex.) Imagine a good mash-up of "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", "The Sixth Sense", and "Memento". It's an emotional and mental workout, but it is well worth it.
And if I haven't sold you yet, there is the fact that your secret loathing of Bob Seger's "Old Time Rock-n-Roll" is finally vindicated in this book. Yes.

I must now heap praise upon Hayao Miyazaki's "Howl's Moving Castle", which is on DVD this week. Now, If you're ever going to trust me on any movie recommendations, trust me on this. The Studio Ghibli films are Anime for people who don't think they like Anime. Everything Disney nailed in their heyday can be found here. I highly recommend you check them out.
"Howl" is Miyazaki's latest triumph. Dude must be sick of hearing that. Doesn't he get bored of making superior movies? The characters are absolutely delightful and I love how there are more interesting things going on in any given background painting than some animators put into an entire feature. (It's almost poignant seeing the "Chicken Little" teaser trailer on this DVD.) That said, it might not be the best place to start for newbies; I say start with "Kiki's Delivery Service". It's my favorite (if I have to pick) and the most easily accessible of his films. From there, watch "My Neighbor Totoro" (one of the best children's films ever and just released on DVD), then try "Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind" and "Princess Mononoke" (two of the great action-fantasy Animes of all time), and then "Laputa: The Castle in the Sky", "Howl's Moving Castle", and "Spirited Away" (surreal fairy-tale fantasies). And keep an eye out for "Little Nemo" - an underrated Studio Ghibli production but one of my favs.
Incidentally, I have to mention something about "Howl" that I find very, very strange: some critics have said that the plot is too convoluted. Honestly, I didn't find it any more hard to follow than other Anime. Whatever, dudes. Next you'll be complaining that chocolate tastes too good or something.

I got two strange animated films from the fifties at an evil supermarket for a dollar. They were "Panda and the Magic Serpent" and "Adventures of Mr. WonderBird". And they were actually pretty good.

And finally, I watched "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" on DVD. Dad and I both agreed that it was pretty good. We also both agreed that, although we know the work that the person in charge of condensing the "Brick" Harry Potters into films has cut out for him, it was very strange some of the things left out. The SPEW subplot is an obvious example. But where was the payoff to the Rita Skeeter subplot? And for cryin' out loud, how come we didn't get to watch the Quidditch World Cup or how the other Triwizard Champions battled their dragons? Honestly, as I was reading the book all those years ago, I was secretly thinking to myself, "You just know J.K. put this in because it'll look kickass in the movie." The more I think of it, the more disappointed I am...
I might have fully transformed into a Harry Potter nerd right there. Hang on...
Iorek Lives!!!
That's better.
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I've rescued a few old posts from MySpace and they'll be popping up over the next month.
And, there's a new review at The New Realm. Starting next month, there will be new reviews (or shamelessly recycled features with some new material) every week!
AND, I've uploaded a bunch of new art (and older art that I'd unintentionally hidden from myself earlier this crazy summer) at Flickr. Here is a sample, and you may consider it blatant foreshadowing of a future article:



In sillier news, did you get Oak's Letter yet?

Let's Read Every Harry Potter Novel in a Row!

A repost from my old MySpace blog.
I was unable to attend the release party at Harvard Square for Deathly Hallows (I was there entirely by accident for the Halfblood Prince release and to this day it remains one of the times I most regret not having a camera on me.) So instead, I decided to build myself up to reading the last Harry Potter novel by reading every piece of literature related to the saga I happened to have with me.
Originally posted 6/29/07.

I'm glad I did this. Not only was I able to appreciate for the first time how much deeper this series is than most people appreciate, I was also more able to appreciate the scope of the final novel (which gets it's own spoilerrific post after this one). And since I'm crazy and have a bit of a self-indulgent streak, here's the play-by-play:

Day One (July 14): Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
Thoughts from the very first chapters:
* - Harry ain't gonna die. If he does, I will -er- do something silly.
* - I'd forgotten how Roald Dahl-esque the series really is.
* - Raise a pack of Lemonheads for Albus. <:( * - Already with the spiders! And she's introduced Sirius and Miss Figg too! J.K. loves her foreshadowing. * - Note the obsession with food. And Draco is already a racist little sh*t. And did Scabbers just save Ron? * - Snape is definitely on the Chaotic Good side. No doubt. (Maybe a little.) * - I'm a bit worried that we really may be headed for an irony-soaked, very confusing ending a la "Fullmetal Alchemist"... This is probably the longest I've ever taken to read a book I have already read before. It's a hell of a lot better than I remember.

Day Two (July 15): Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
I've always been a bit lackluster about this particular book. But it is supposed to be one of the most important from a plot-building stance. It is better than I thought, but it does play out like "Harry and the Attack of the Foreshadowing". If nothing else, it's cool to notice that she introduces Mundungus here.
Incidentally, I do not buy the argument at all that the saga has gone "dark" (whatever that means) only in the last three or four books. There's some heavy stuff going down already here in Book Two. (Moaning Myrtle is just an overall creepy character. There's also giant man-eating spiders and Dobby's self-flagellation.) Whatever, it's time for Book Three which is the point where I first admitted we were reading something special.

Day Three (July 16): Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
This is the one that got me hooked. Not much else to say there.

Day Four and Five (July 17 and 18): Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
The first of The Bricks. I got way too much sun reading outside on Day Four so fortunately it rained on Day Five. You'll notice I was cutting it very close to Release Day, so I had to remind myself that I was about as isolated as I could get, I'm not really an obsessed Person of Fandom who needs to know how the saga ends right away, and basically I can take my time if I want. Still, it bothers me a lot when it takes a great deal longer than expected for me to read a book I have already read before.
Fortunately, I got to the ending of Book Four by the end of the day. Fans call this the "Empire Strikes Back" part of the Potter saga. I call chapters 32-35 the "Holy Sh*t" scene. I'm sure it inspired more than a few nightmares. And thank goodness for that. Really. It's so much easier to tone a villain down these days. It's actually a lot more satisfying to have a villain who really is evil, therefore the hero's conflict is far more tense.
In other words, I take back all the detracting things I have said about the saga over the years. Aww.
(Well, almost all of them.)
I topped off the night with the two little interlude-like "Textbooks" (Magical Beasts and Quidditch Through the Ages). World-building is fun.

Day Six and Seven (July 19 and 20): Hary Potter and the Order of the Pheonix
I finally finished the 870 glorious pages of Book Five on Release Day! Reading this book at a leisurely pace is a fine reminder of just how damn long it is. I remember blitzing through it the first day I got it. Not a good idea. There is a metric buttload of information to digest here. All I can say is that if bacon and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks do not figure into the finale somehow, I will be sad.

Day Eight and Nine (July 21 and 22): Harry Potter and the Halfblood Prince
Joy and rapture, I received my package from Amazon at 11:00 AM on Day Eight. While waiting, I read Book Six. Basically, this book, while good, is "Fast Times at Hogwarts School", juxtaposed with a massive amount of exposition and topped off with a tragic ending. At this point, I felt like I was vacationing with the characters.

So.
So there I was ready to read the final book in the Harry Potter saga. At once, I was excited to see how she'd wrap everything up and rather bummed to see the story end.
Thing is, as a fantastic fiction fan, I've been in this situation before. Lord knows how the eleven-year-old fans are feeling.
My reactions to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows will be in the next post, and there will be spoilers. Until then,

***Drinking Game!!!***
Take a sip for...
* - Bacon!
* - Something unpleasant happens during a Quidditch game;
* - Harry gets somebody "Monologuing" (one sip for villains, two sips for good guys);
* - Every time somebody gets sent to the Infirmary;
* - Harry breaks out his Invisible Cloak, Marauder's Map, other handy magical plot device;
* - J.K. first introduces a character who dies later (take a sip and then pour one out for the character);
* - Voldemort does something that indicates he has not read Pete's Evil Overlord List (just glancing at it, he violates 5, 34, 92, ect.)
* - Drink for every special day (Harry's Birthday, Christmas, ect.);
* - Drink when J.K. gives us a recap of past events;
* - Drink yourself into a stupor if you correctly predicted a plot twist in the last book.

But why wait? Here are my Book Seven reactions right now. Originally posted 6/29/07.

Round about the nasty jolt of "oh sh*t, Hagrid's dead!" at the end of chapter four and then "no, he's okay!" right at the beginning of chapter five, I said, out loud, "This is going to be the entire book isn't it?
Indeed, by the halfway point, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is an insanely stressful read for the most part. For every cheer-worthy bit of fanservice (lots of plot holes are filled in and yay Norberta!), there's a very long scene of... well the idea that the saddest thing that could happen is Harry dying is just quaint by the halfway point: Harry's in exile, Ron's buggered off, and pretty much everything has gone to hell. Even the familiar "a year in the life of Hogwarts" format is gone.

I'm reminded strongly of the ending to "The Sound of Music", a movie I have no great love for. But I do tip my hat to it's ballsy final act, barely hinted at in the opening hours of "Favorite Things" B.S. There's a term in the animation fandom for an ending or final episode that deviates dramatically from the style or tone of the series as a whole, almost to the point of confusion: "Gainax Ending". I'd never in a million years have expected that J.K. would give us a Gainax ending to Harry Potter's story... and I love this book for that. It's an incredibly ballsy move for such an insanely popular series.

Even so, Lord knows how the eleven year are feeling about all this. I like what Stephen King wrote in his incredibly good Entertainment Weekly article about the end of the saga: for many fans, this is the end of a crucial part of their childhood. The last book really does seem to be all about the end of childhood. Heady stuff for summer vacation, no?

When I finally got to the ending at three in the morning, rest assured that I came away feeling that this was one of the most downright satisfying endings to a story I have ever read, seen, or whatever.

My Disorganized Reactions:

* - Yay fanservice! I can't count the number of times I cheered out loud.
* - Speaking of fans, it amazes me how many plot twists the fans predicted correctly. Some of them did not pan out quite the way anyone expected, but I'll get to those in a bit.
* - Did I mention that bacon and Snorkacks are in it? <:D Now for the real spoilers:
* - For instance, who'd have guessed that Snape was Harry's real father? XD Ok, really. But that one very moving chapter where the story is retold from Snape's point of view will get overanalized by the really crazy 'shipper fans.
* - I'm surprised at the way some subplots played out. I had expected a MUCH bigger payoff to the Wormtail subplot - he had a Life Debt after all. I figured he may do something really heroic and instead he just kinda dies. And never mind him, how much more satisfying would it have been for Neville to go all Inigo Montoya on Bellatrix? I'm amazed that didn't happen; I don't even think the characters were ever in the same room.
* - Now, the pre-release hype told us to brace ourselves for two characters dying. Rumor has it that there's a support line for one of the characters. That said, the death toll is actually much higher than two when all is said and done. What surprised me was that most of these were characters I'd never have thought about (Hedwig especially). Dobby's passing was very moving and well-handled. On the other hand, I think we can all pretty much agree that killing off Tonks and Lupin almost arbitrarily and right after having their baby was just mean. That goes for Fred as well. And they really were arbitrary because J.K. glossed over the details of their deaths so completely, they might as well have never happened.
* - And as for Harry's death - you can't say he doesn't die now can you? As for that scene, I gotta love existentialism in a book that a lot of eleven-year-olds are going to read over summer vacation. Awesome.
* - And how about that epilogue? I can't recall anything so fan-wanky that was also totally sweet. Not sure how many "Son of Harry" fanfics we'll be able to take but it is a fine cherry on top of a very satisfying conclusion.

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In my defense, that last bit was written immediately after I read the last book. <:/
By the way, I think we are going to see a lot of the same kind of, "We serious movie critics cannot be bothered to watch the previous film after having to wait so long for the next one" kind of reviews for "Halfblood Prince" as we did during the long, L-O-N-G summer of 2003, when "Matrix Reloaded" finally came out. (I think I lost my faith in mainstream movie critics that summer.)
But what of people who did do the research? Well, here's a review on /Film from a guy who watched every "Harry Potter" movie in a row. (There is a crucial distinction there, as you will see.)

If you are in the Granby, CT area, go to Free Lunch Studios this Sunday for their benefit auction. More information at their Facebook page.

Hilarious Harry Potter Fan-theories, plus two more Potter lists.

First of all, I did not draw this, but I wish I had. Best fanart ever.

There will never be anything quite like Harry Potter within our lifetimes again. That's kind of a heavy thought to start out with, but what I mean is that we'll never see anything like the Harry Potter fandom again (sorry Twilight fans, you don't count).

The reason is simply because all the books are out there in the world for new fans to discover and read in order one after the other with no waiting. Let's not forget that it took so very long for each new book in the saga to be released. This was the first such book series to be released during the Web 2.0 revolution, and so fans were able to easily share their guesses as to what would happen next.

Some of the resultant fan-theories are pretty hilarious in hindsight, now that we know what actually happened in the story. And so, as you get pumped for the "Halfblood Prince" movie, here is my brief, humble tribute to my favorite such theories, in no particular order:

Lily Potter was an Animagus and Hedwig is her alternate form.
This one might just be my absolute favorite silly-in-hindsight fan theory. It is only matched by...

Ron Weasley is actually a time-traveling young Albus Dumbledore.
Curiously, this theory hinges not on the fact that Harry has such a close friendship with both characters - but because of the events surrounding the chess match in Philosopher's Stone. And because they both have (or had) red hair.

Neville is actually the Chosen One.
This hinged on Trelawney's -shall we say- less-than-reliability as a source of information. To be fair, the Prophesy could have been taken either way. Note that Neville's life sucks only marginally less than Harry's.

Neville is the Half-blood Prince.
Or, better yet...

Neville's pet toad Trevor is the Half-blood Prince.
Heheh, I still like this one.

Neville will be the one to defeat Bellatrix LeStrange. Poetic justice considering what she did to his family.
Yeah... about that...

Sirius Black is just hiding!
"And he's really Stubby Boardman! And the Veil really doesn't kill you for real; we don't even know what it was! And he can come back somehow! And Ponch from the Young Wizards series totally is really Sirius! And and and..."
Man, you'd think no beloved character ever died in a book before. (Where were these people to console me after I read Mostly Harmless?)
On a similar note:

Dumbledore will continue giving advice through his portrait.
Death, it turned out, really didn't stop Dumbledore from raining exposition on Harry -- though it didn't happen the way fans expected.

Speaking of the Portraits, we'll finally learn how the intellectual paintings actually work.
Whether they contain a bit of their subject's consciousness or if they're a direct line to the afterlife or something like that. We never really learned anything about how the paintings work and/or are produced. That's been kind of a disappointment for me.

Harry is a Horcrux and he dies in the last novel.
The second half of this theory isn't too out-there (and as we all know, Harry doesn't stay dead), but the first half is crazy enough for it to be genuinely surprising that it turned out to be true. Sort of. It was complicated.

Mrs. Weasley will go all Lt. Ripley on Bellatrix LeStrange.
Actually... I don't think any of us saw that one coming.

And for more fun, here's a repeat from an old MySpace blog post:

Things I hope do not happen in Deathly Hallows.* - Surprisingly, Norbert reappears and eats everyone.
* - A spell goes awry and everyone is transformed into different species of iguanas. The rumored spin-off series takes off from here.
* - Harry and Ron are riding their broomsticks around when out of nowhere, two a**holes in a passing truck shoot them both.
* - Kurt Russell meets everyone in an elevator in some mysterious building, where he calmly explains that they're all dead and dreaming the whole thing. (Yes, "Vanilla Sky" still has the most insulting cop-out ending ever.)
* - In a shocking twist, Draco flies down out of nowhere are skewers Ginny with a sword longer than she is tall.
* - Voldemort reveals the terrible truth of his tragic past and mysterious connection to Harry - immediately before he suddenly kills Harry. Harry finds himself in a strange world wracked by war and devoid of any magic whatsoever. Also, somehow Fritz Lang is involved.
* - My favorite character dies.
* - As the Universe is rebuilding itself after the destruction of Voldemort's evil, Harry promises Ginny that he will find her somehow even though they are seemingly being stranded in separate worlds (cause Harry is suddenly unable to jump a three foot gap).
* - Your favorite character dies.
* - We flash-forward to three years hence when Harry has a secret meeting with Ginny and he cries and cries at her "Why did we leave Hogwarts! It wasn't meant to happen! We have to go back, Ginny! WE HAVE TO GO BACK!!!"
* - Two words: "Sopranos" ending.

And, what the hell, an old LaGremlin list:

Rejected Titles for the last Harry Potter Novel
"Harry Potter and the Magic Mushrooms!" (I guess you can already tell what direction we're going in here. I apologize.)
"Harry Potter and the Fantabulous All-Powerful Nose-Hairs of Mythra Khan!!!"
"Harry Potter and the Skull-Cracking Hangover!"
"Harry Potter and the Altar of Blood!"
"Harry Potter and the Evil Within!"
"Harry Potter and the Miami Sound Machine!"
"Harry Potter and the Golden Pot Bowl!"
"Harry Potter and the Granny Broth!"
"Harry Potter and the Hot Goth Chicks!"
"Harry Potter and the Burning Wizz!"
"Harry Potter and the Hella-Boring Low-Paid Dead-End First Job!"
"Harry Potter and the Acidic Booger!"
"Harry Potter and the Long Stream of Drug References!"
"Harry Potter and the Poison Arrows From the Sky!"
"Harry Potter and the Restaurant at the End of the Universe!"
"Harry Potter and His New Roommate Saruman!"
"Harry Potter and the Caverns of Steel!"
"Harry Potter and the Mystery of the Fifth Beatle!"
"Harry Potter and the Nothing!"
"Harry Potter and the Estate of Roald Dahl's Lawyers!"
"Harry Potter and the God-Damned Riddle-Man!"
"Harry Potter Gets Schooled by the Elric Brothers!"
"Harry Potter and *S-O-O-O-O-O-O* Many Unresolved Plot Points." (It was funny for "Star Wars", it's funny here.)

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Off-topic, so consider this an addendum to Monday's post. You know how I said that the reputation of an excellent work of fiction that is a semi-obscure cult hit (like "Avatar") can be all but destroyed by a sh**ty film adaptation? Yeah. Meet the teaser trailer for the long-in-development-limbo film of The Time-Traveler's Wife (FYI, the last science fiction novel that made me think), which appears to have been filmed in Glorious "What Do You Mean it Wasn't Written by Nicholas Sparks?" Vision.