Splashing, Thundering Space Yetis - Let's Kill/Refurb/Marry the Disney Mountains!

I became a Walt Disney World Mountain Master during a particularly crazy trip a few years back.  We were staying in Bay Lake Tower, Space Mountain was taunting me, and Everest was looming over the horizon.  I had to ride all four Mountains in the one trip.

So, I'm a pretty good authority on the WDW Mountains.  (Disclaimer: No I am not.  I only really love one of them and two of them were "One and done" for me.)

Kill... No, more like, My Old Back and I Can't Enjoy This Ride so it is Dead to Me - Big Thunder Mountain Railroad.

I'm with those dear old ladies in the Unofficial Guide who rate this as a 9,000 on a "scary scale of 10".

Refurb - Expedition Everest

I have never experienced this ride as anything but Disco Yeti Time, and I know it'd be impossible to fix without tearing huge swathes of the ride apart, but really...

Marry - Splash Mountain

Hell yeah.  Every time I can ride this is a great time.

Go here for more opinions on this matter.  Here are your upcoming topics and dates for the rest of the year:
2015 Food & Wine Foods, October 14
Live Entertainment at Disney Parks, November 11
Holiday Touches at Disney Parks, December 9
Best Disney Breakfast Spot, January 13

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Sketch of the Day!

Grab Your Mickey Bar and Hop Into Stormalong Bay, it's the Kill, Refurb, Marry Catchup!

What?  I totally posted this in time instead of being too overwhelmed to write anything longer than a Tweet.  The publication date says so! XD

Resort Pools

Kill - Bay Lake Tower Pool

This one was tough because I don't really dislike any of the resort pools.  So this one gets the cut only because it lacks a certain imagination: it is a beautiful pool (especially at night) but it's pretty much just a pool.  M'eh.

Refurb - Water Country

Not officially a resort pool - yet- but there's that old persistent rumor that *someday* it'll be cut off from the lake, filled with water that isn't infested with waking Cronenburgian nightmare parasites, rebuilt, and made into Fort Wilderness' swimming area.  To which I say, do it already; it's just sitting there!

Marry - Stormalong Bay

I mean, duh.

Remember that bit in the Unofficial Guide where they asked young kids what their favorite part of their Disney vacation was and over half of them answered swimming in the pool?  I was one of those kids and this awesome place was the reason.  To this day I'll still take it over both water parks.

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Frozen Treats (That Are Not Dole Whips/Citrus Swirls)

Kill - Pina Co-Lava

I'm not a big frozen treat person, to be honest.  So here, as with the pools, I'm judging this based on how unimaginative it is.  That, and the strawberry red ice floating in the white pineapple ice just looks gross.

Refurb Reinstate - The Original Mickey Bar

As seen in the beginning of this awesomely animated commercial that I can't find in better quality:



I still like the Nestle Mickey bars but they ain't got nothin' on the old Good Humor bars. There is a chance my memory is faulty and they never actually sold any of the Mickey's Parade bars in the parks but whatever.

Marry - World Showcase Treats

Someday, someday my cousins and I will finally do our Snacks Around the World adventure.  In the meantime, here's to Gelato, Kakigori, and the small paradise on Earth known as L'Artisan des Glaces.

Next Time - Walt Disney World Mountains!  Head to Mouse on the Mind for more entries in this series.

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Sketch of the Day!

You know what I've never been able to find in World Showcase, though? Sea Salt Ice Cream.

It Really Was Better When I Was Your Age. Deal With It. Let's Kill, Refurb, Marry Extinct Attractions!

This is going to be an interesting one, because I'm not quite sure what the age-range of the bloggers who participate in Kill, Refurb, Marry is.  Bringing up extinct attractions will inevitably date many of us.  Let's get right into it.

Kill: "Honey, I Blew Your Eardrums Out Shrunk the Audience" - At first, I thought the "Kill" section here seems a little strange.  "Extinct attractions are already dead, by definition, and anyway MAH NOSTALGIA!  EVERYTHING WAS BETTER WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE!  FACT!"

Then I remembered that the attraction that turned me off the "Audience Abuse" subgenre of 4D shows forever, "Honey, I Shrunk the Audience", was a thing and thought, "Oh, no, nevermind.  That thing can go right straight to hell."

Refurb (more like "reinstate"): "The Magic of Disney Animation" But With Actual Animators Animating Things Again - In the original version of this attraction, you watched a short, very funny film that explained how animation is created and then got to walk above the heads of animators working on films.  I can't express how awesome this was.

In the current version, you stand in line to meet costumed versions of the characters standing in the very same places the animators used to work and get to watch the closest thing a real theme park has come to the "Mr. DNA" movie in "Jurassic Park". Also, I got yelled at for wanting to walk down a corridor that had actual animation concept art displayed on the walls.  Yeah.

Marry: "Horizons" - Was there any doubt?

I'll be honest.  I'm still a little angry that I'm not currently living in an undersea building with a sea lion buddy.  I WAS PROMISED UNDERSEA BUILDINGS AND SEA LION BUDDIES!  ALSO, SPACE-HOTELS!

Then again, I am able to wish my relatives Happy Birthday instantly with time and space being no problem.  It's not as fun as Horizons made it look though.

Next Time: Resort Pools! The big surprise here would be if anyone chooses anything other than Stormalong Bay to marry.

Important Note: I was unaware that the date for this entry had been pushed forward to June.  Oh well, here it is early.

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Sketch of the Day: Yi qi yi qi yi qi!!!

Kill Refurb Marry - Disney Partners

Well, first of all, if we're talking Partners and Walt Disney World, I'd be remiss if I didn't include the following hilarious incident I managed to capture on film a few years ago.



Walt Disney World has been the site of many memorable partnerships throughout the years.  Some of them worked, some of them... did not.  Brace yourselves, I'm going to harp on Dinoland USA again.

Kill: Disney and McDonalds

This was just a bad, weird time for Disney in general, and I never even visited the parks while it happened, but there's something that hurts my heart when I look at this page in Yesterland.  It does go a ways in explaining why Dinoland is the way it is, and at the very least we got some badass William Stout art out of the whole mess.

Refurb: Michael Eisner and Michael Eisner's Obsession of the Week

If there's one thing to notice while touring Disney World these days, it's that nearly anything that makes you say, "Why...?" is thanks to Michael Eisner having a seemingly sudden and momentary obsession with something. Sometimes, that'd work out for the best (Touchstone Pictures, Disney/MGM Studios, the Disney Institute in theory), and sometimes it would not (the Swan and Dolphin, the Disney Institute in practice).

Marry: The Original EPCOT Imagineers

Need more be said?  They pulled off a lot of amazing effects and shows pretty much while flying by the seats of their pants and repurposing bits from never-built rides.   I'm just sad that so much of what they accomplished is gone, when I know I'd appreciate it more as an adult.

Next time: Extinct Attractions.  Oh boy...

Addendum: Boy did I ever go in a completely different direction from everyone else on this one...

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Sketch of the Day!
I don't know the original context for this but it's fascinating nonetheless.

"Oh, this looks like fun! A bench!" - Kill, Refurb, Marry Peoplewatching Spots

I'm turning thirty-three for the fourth year in a row tomorrow!  To celebrate, I've got a nice hefty post in mind for whenever I can sit down and write it.  This is not that post.  Instead, here's an interesting topic for today's bloghop: quiet places in Walt Disney World.  Places to stop and recharge from the activity of the rides and shows and angry gulls and little kids running around screaming and adults screaming at their kids and, generally, a lot of angry screaming.

That is to say, I don't want to kill any of these places. We need them.  We need as many as we can get for psychological reasons.  Furthermore, I'd argue that there are, strictly speaking, no bad places in all of Walt Disney World to observe human behavior.  It's just that a lot of times, you're going to be seeing really s**tty human behavior.

But as far as great places to relax and/or peoplewatch, in no particular order:

Your Resort's Lobby - I especially love the Beach Club, Grand Floridian, Wilderness Lodge, and Polynesian for just having a good sit.  (Mind you, I haven't been to the Poly since the beautiful indoor forest was replaced with the Sadness Rock.)

World Showcase - Pick a country.  Odds are good that there's a little-known quiet spot hidden away somewhere.  I especially like the gardens in France and UK, and the galleries in Japan and Morocco.  And, of course, there are the wine tasting rooms...

The Peoplemover - Yes, this is my favorite.  You get a lovely view of Tomorrowland and a nice, long ride.

OK, so I may not have followed the rules to the letter on this one.  Next time, Disney Partners.  Not sure what that means yet; hopefully it's open to interpretation?

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Sketch of the Day!

Bears!

"Kick him in the side." - Let's Kill, Refurb, Marry Sidekicks!

Oh boy, this is going to be a fun one.  Now to keep this easier for me, I'll only pick sidekicks from the Renaissance era on, otherwise I'd have to be a Polygamist.  With that rule in place, the first one is dead easy.

Kill - The Lemur family in "Dinosaur"

You all saw this one coming.  Aside from the obvious reasons, here's a reminder that the executives who meddled "Dinosaur" to hell and back were convinced people wouldn't go and see a movie about dinosaurs unless there were prominent furry mammal characters for us furry mammals in the audience to relate to.  Yeah.

Refurb - The "Treasure Planet" sidekicks

"Treasure Planet" is one of those Disney Animated Canon movies that I wish was better than it actually is; what I like in it, I like a lot, and I try to ignore the rest.  Case in point: young Jim Hawkins is sidled with three irritating comedy relief sidekicks, giving his crucial relationship with Long John Silver hardly any room to breathe.  So let's make Dr. Doppler less goofy, turn the obnoxious robot into a broken computer that doesn't talk (or maybe does cute beeps like R2-D2 or the little guys in "Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword"), and shoot that horrible cute pink squishy bubble-thing out the damn airlock.

Marry - The "Little Mermaid" sidekicks

I mean, you could argue that later sidekicks were funnier, more helpful, and generally better, but they owe it all to the "Little Mermaid" sidekicks.  They were the first to be on-par with best-ever sidekick Jiminy Cricket in a very long time.

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Art of the Day!

I've been sharing some doodles/art I made for The Straw Hat No's "Ni No Kuni" Let's Play over this month and this finished piece seemed appropriate:

Kill, Refurb, Marry Villains!

Little late to the party, but why not?



This month, the topic is Disney Villains. I'm sticking with Disney Animated Canon characters only.  And I'll be rating the baddies based on how great they are as Disney characters (ignoring their source material where applicable, and no, I do not actually want to marry any of these people.  They are just the worst.  But they're good at being the worst.)

Kill:  Unmemorable villains like Whats-His-Name from "Aristocats" and So-And-So from "Home on the Range".  In fairness, these movies have significant problems already (they constantly vie for the position of Worst DAC Feature in my mind), but the dubious antagonists are just yawn sauce on the snore-pie.

Refurb:  Here we have an interesting case, because the villain in question has essentially been refurbished for us by another animation team.  Let me explain.  The villain is the Horned King from "The Black Cauldron".  He looks scary, he's got an awesome voice, and he's got minions, nasty wyvern-thingies, and an army of the cursed undead.  And unfortunately, it wasn't the Golden Age of theatrical animation anymore, and it wasn't the modern age yet, so this potentially awesome villain was the victim of serious wimping out on the part of the executives.  If you want a better version of Disney's Horned King, watch the episodes of "Adventure Time" centered around the Lich King.  Seriously.

Marry:  I'll make this simple: notice how Maleficent gets to be the leader of the villains whenever they have a crossover?  Yup.

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Sketch of the Day!  Here's what happens when I watch a Let's Play of "Ni-No Kuni"

Kill, Refurb, Marry: World Showcase Counter Service?

First off, Happy Birthday to me!  Now as I said during last month's Kill, Refurb, Marry, I really don't have any experience with counter service restaurants in World Showcase.  I was hoping to remedy that during my recent trip down to the World a few weeks ago but it wound up being a more of a whirlwind visit than I ever expected.

Here's a lightning fast trip report: We went down mainly to cheer on my cousins who were running in one of the marathons and to check out the new (to us) Grand Floridian DVC villas.  And this was our first trip using My Magic + which... I have extremely mixed feelings about.  I liked the *idea* of reserving FastPasses for our favorite attractions but that mostly turned out to be better in theory.  Honestly, my favorite aspect of this whole thing is not having to bring a bag down to the pool, since the MagicBand serves as your key, pass, and room charge.  We loved the Granfaloon, but the fact that the monorail wasn't running for a significant portion of the day put a huge damper on things.  This was also the first time in ages that we visited the World during a school vacation week and I was stunned by how crowded it felt.  Overall, I did have a lot of fun, and my cousins introduced me to attractions I'd never experienced before and vice-versa.  We also happened to see Illuminations from two different vantage points we hadn't tried before and can best be described as The "Crap Your Pants" Seats.

But, sadly, I wasn't able to fill the gaps in my World Showcase Counter Service knowledge.  So, I'm going to have to rate only the counters I've actually eaten food from and, thankfully, the first choice is easy:

Kill Nuke From Orbit, It's The Only Way To Be Sure: Liberty Inn

No.  Just no.  I mean, I could talk more about my Liberty Inn experience but it's gross.

Refurb Resurrect: Beaver Tails

Okay, this one's a bit of a cheat.  I've heard that there used to be a branch of the Beaver Tails franchise in the Canada pavilion.  I would like very much for it to return, because Beaver Tails are heavenly.

Note: I am aware that there is now a stand that sells something vaguely similar called Cronuts.  They do not count because (a) they're not Beaver Tails and (b) "Cronuts" sounds like something you need to discuss with your dermatologist.

Marry:The Weinkeller During the Holidays

Another "cheat", but Gluhwein is well worth it.

For more opinions on this blog hop, head on over to the list at Mouse on the Mind.  The next topic is something to do with Muppets?!  Meanwhile, next week here on the blog, the archived Tweet-commentary from The Princess Project.  I promise.

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Sketch of the Day!  Apropos of nothing, here is some Ursula fanart.

Kill/Refurb/Marry: The Musical!

Well, first off, happy birthday, Estelle!  I'm afraid I'm unable to remove that blasted hat from the Studios, but I can rate in-park musicals.  And... once again, the first choice is wikkid easy.

Kill: "Voyage of the Little Mermaid"

Many years ago, my family and I waited in line for hours to see this then-brand-new live musical expecting something really special, given it's popularity and we were... disappointed.  On a recent trip we went to see it again out of curiosity, since it was still absurdly popular, wondering if anything had changed.  Nope, still the confusing low-rent puppet show we saw back in the early 90s.  Except it's even worse now because "Voyage"'s reason to exist, really, was the fact that Ariel was -and still is- one of Disney's most popular characters and aside from meet-and-greets, she only had this one attraction to her name.  Now there's a big beautiful dark ride based on "Little Mermaid", so I really have no idea why "Voyage" is still around.

Refurb: "Dream Along With Mickey"

I'm going to be succinct here.  You know what would be a better, less inconvenient for everyone place to stage a show in Magic Kingdom?  Literally anywhere.  Hell, the only thing good about "Escape From Tomorrow"* is how nostalgic it made me for the days when you could just run right up the Hub and through Cinderella Castle whenever you want.  Also, as a staunch Donald Duck fan, I'm a little sick of stories where he's a brat and not in a funny way.

* -  Tangent time: if you haven't seen "Escape From Tomorrow", do not bother.  I know you're probably still curious, but you've got to trust me as I wish I had trusted my Disney fandom colleagues.  The whole idea of filming a movie in secret in the Disney Parks is kind of neat (if you can put the legal issues out of your mind; good luck when non-actor people are onscreen).  But really, it is about as insightful a satire of Disney theme park culture as "Bebe's Kids" [actually, it's less insightful], it's about as subversive as kicking your grandma, and it is horrifically sexist.  I cannot emphasize that last thing enough; I, as a woman, just felt really gross and awful watching it.  I reiterate: Don't bother.

Marry: "Festival of the Lion King"

Is there any doubt?  This show is so great; it's up there with "Flights of Wonder" as one of my favorite, "Oh, you may have skipped this before but you REALLY gotta see this" shows in Animal Kingdom.  Yes, I know it's currently under rehab, moving to a big new theater in the Africa section of Animal Kingdom, and I cannot wait to see the new version of the show.  Though really, I hope they don't change it too dramatically.

For more opinions on this blog hop, head on over to the list at Mouse on the Mind.  The next topic is World Showcase Counter Service; a topic I have surprisingly little experience with but hope to remedy on my upcoming trip.  Until then, if you don't mind archive-binging, I've been doing Tweet-commentary on all the Disney Princess movies  (and a bonus, instantly regrettable look at the aforementioned "Escape From Tomorrow")!  Got some plans for that project here on the Blog so stay tuned...

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Sketch of the Day!

Lots of people were drawing magical self-caricatures a while back. So, here's my Herbalist Witch with her onion wand.

In Which We Kick Off The New Year by Playing Kill/Refurb/Marry!

A new Year has dawned and with it is the desire to blog more.  And to that end, I've decided to -why not- join the Kill/Refurb/Marry Blog Hop created by Mouse on the Mind and This Happy Place.  This party has been going on for a few months but this month's topic was so oddly specific that I could not resist joining in.

The idea is that the K/F/M founders pick a topic and participants decide which relevant things at Walt Disney World they would get rid of, give an overhaul, or live inside if they could.  And the topic of discussion this time out is that most wondrous and unique of Walt Disney World Experiences, the Aerial Spinner Ride.  Or, "You know, Dumbo and the various less popular Dumbo substitutes".  Nothing says "I am having fun in a theme park" then riding around in a circle inside a thing that is shaped like another thing.  Let's get right into this shall we?  The first choice, at least, is wikkid easy.

Kill: TriceraTop Spin

Right.  So, I will admit that my vote to demolish Dumbo-But-They-Are-Triceratops-For-Reasons-That-Are-Unclear-Until-You-Notice-The-Pun-And-Thereafter-Wish-To-Punch-The-Person-Who-Came-Up-With-That-Because-Honestly is due to my larger issues with Dinoland USA as a whole in general and with Chester and Hester's Dinorama specifically.  (But also because of the pun thing, because, I reiterate, honestly?!?)

New readers, I have to level with you.  'Round here at the Obligatory Art Blog, we love dinosaurs.  A lot.  (About as much as Disney, theme parks, and animation.)  And I think they deserve a much, much better themed land in the Disney parks than... whatever the hell this is.

And, yeah, I "get" it.  I "get" the theme of Dinoland/Dinorama.  I "get" it, and I really, really hate it.  I maintain that there is something very wrong with your theme/concept when it is decades later and most visitors still need to have it explained to them.  Doubly so if the explanation boils down to, "But it's SUPPOSED to look just like your town's cheesy local county fair except it's in Disney World and taking up space that could be better occupied by something totally amazing and unique!  Listen..."  You know what the only non-terrible thing in Dinoland is to me?  That walk-through exhibit of modern species of Mesozoic plants.  The best part of this Dinosaur themed land in a Disney theme park built by Disney Imagineers is a *garden*.  I'm not even angry (I like gardens), I'm just very disappointed.

So yeah, plow over Dinoland USA and start the whole dang thing over.  (Hint: There's already an awesome attraction elsewhere in Animal Kingdom that just so happens to involve dinosaurs of the modern flight-capable persuasion, so let's start by bringing Flights of Wonder over from Asia and take it from there.)  This will, naturally, take TriceraTop Spin down with it.  Oh well.

Refurbish: The Magic Carpets of Aladdin... I guess?

I have to be honest, I have little to no emotional investment in the non-Dumbo Dumbo-type spinning rides in Disney World.  I'm giving this one a refurb because it's kind of awkwardly placed, probably the least interesting idea for an "Aladdin" themed ride (Where the heck is our Cave of Wonders thrill ride?), and Astro-Orbiter is much prettier and has a better view.

Marry: Dumbo the Flying Elephant

Because it's freakin' Dumbo, duh.

Okay, seriously.  One crazy trip around Thanksgiving, my whole grown adult family rode Dumbo, the Mad Tea Party, and Cinderella's Golden Carousel Super-Manly Testosterone-Fueled Spinning Horse Ride For Boys Prince Charming's Regal Carousel and we were about a million times giddier than we were before, for reasons that had nothing to do with Dole Whips.  From Dumbo, we got a few decent seconds-at-a-time tantalizing looks at the New Fantasyland, which was under construction at the time.  That and the new "Dueling Dumbos" version is gorgeous.

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And for extra credit, why not catch up on the other Kill/Refurb/Marry topics?

Resort Hotels

Kill... well, no.  Kill is a little strong.  But Seriously Reconsider: The All-Star Resorts.  The theming over there was decided by a crazy person.  For example, you could have knocked me over with a feather when I learned that the Mighty Ducks building, covered in hockey stuff and with a hockey rink shaped pool, was part of All Star Movies rather then Sports.  (And yes, I know the answer, as it so often is for weird Disney things of that era, is "Because Michael Eisner..."  Look, he doesn't work there anymore.  Move the Ducks/Hockey to Sports and retheme their Movie building to something more timeless, like "Mary Poppins" or "Victory Through Air Power".)

Refurb: The Pop Century Resorts.  Again, the theming is crazy and they look really sad next to their sisters over at Art of Animation.

Marry: Can I be a Polyandrist here?  Because between childhood favorite Beach Club, gorgeous Wilderness Lodge, Animal Kingdom Lodge, and Polynesian, and our DVC home resort Contemporary/Bay Lake Towers, I just can't choose. 

Crescent Lake Restaurants

Kill: ESPN Club.  I get the need for a sports bar in Disney World, it's the fact that this dad oasis wants so desperately to be a restaurant as well that... just, no.

Refurb: Toss-up between Big River Brewery, which either needs to commit fully to being a brewpub where you go in for beer tastings and to drink beer and eat pretzels, or have more room inside to be a full-on restaurant, and Kouzzina which I desperately want to retcon back into Spoodles.

Marry: Il Mulino.  New York.  Trattoria.  Oh goodness, yes.  Most underrated restaurant in the whole World and my family's little secret.  I can't wait for that Risotto Con Funghi and homemade Limoncello.

Thrill Rides

Kill: Dinosaur.  We're plowing over Dinoland anyway, but really the most entertainment I get out of this obnoxiously loud, dark, and buggy mess is hearing Bill Nye trying to tell us with a strait face that Carnotaurus -adorable little gonk-faced Carnotaurus- was "the fiercest and most terrifying predatory dinosaur of all time".  Um...

Refurb:  Splash Mountain.  This is one of my favorite rides ever and by Walt's mustache it needs an awful lot of love.  And I don't mean the seemingly yearly upkeep, I mean updating the animatronics, soundtrack, and the landscaping.  I'm sure they can take a full year or two off from adding new stuff to Haunted Mansion and Pirates of the Caribbean to give poor Splash Mountain an overhaul.

Marry:  Star Tours.  All versions.  I'll be riding this awesomeness until my thirty-something year old back can't take it anymore.

For more opinions on this blog hop, head on over to the list at Mouse on the Mind.  The next topic is Live In-Park Musicals!  It's the dream we all dream of: Nemo vs. Ariel in the World Series of Blacklight Sensitive Puppetry!

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Sketch of the Day!

Seriously, Carnotaurus was adorable and a sweetie. WTF, Disney?



Bonus much more recent art of a weird-looking prehistoric hoofed mammal! This handsome, hopeful holiday Unitatherium was the result of some Twitter shenanigans and the very last drawing I made in 2013.  I... am okay with this.