Trish Babbles: The Big Summer Kid's Movies of 1993!

Summer, 1993 was the summer of "Jurassic Park" and of other movies that aren't "Jurassic Park". That's us looking back on it from 2016 with the benefit of hindsight. And as TV Guide's Summer 1993 Parent's Guide to Children's Entertainment Issue printed in the moment proves, when it comes to which movies are and are not going to be popular - especially with children, nobody knows s**t.

I'm going to have to break this one down month-by-month.

May: Okay. The "Super Mario Bros." movie. It's specifically described here as a *Disney* movie based on the Mario games, which helps explain why many of us were -eh- juuuuust a little put-off by what actually happens in the film.

But never mind that. Does anyone remember when Whoopi Goldberg and Ted Danson were an item?

It's been said that the '90's were our '70's, and I believe it. Because I swear if there's anything consistent about the entire 1990's decade, it's the moments that, upon being reminded of them, feel more like a shared hallucination than something that actually happened in real life.

Early June: "JURASSIC PAAAAAAAARK"!!!

Also, "The Last Action Hero". Which, as a reminder, was the cover story for this issue. Yup.

Late June: You have to feel sympathy for the films with kid-appeal that arrived in the immediate wake of "Jurassic Park". I could swear I saw "Dennis the Menace" as a kid but what little I can remember of it cannot possibly have been actual events in the movie, right? (Note: I have revisited enough movies made for children from the '90's to say that oh, they absolutely can. Even the bit where a very creepy Christopher Lloyd taunts a toddler by slicing up an apple with a scary knife.)

Early July: This was back when Disney was re-releasing movies from that damn Vault of theirs theatrically instead of on home media. While I'm glad to finally own a copy of "Snow White", I rather miss the days of the high-profile vintage Disney movie revival.

It's weird how many movies that some people have nothing but the greatest nostalgia for while other people... don't... were released in this one summer. Along with "Last Action Hero" and "Super Mario Bros.", we have "Hocus Pocus". Full confession, I haven't watched this movie since it was released all those years ago (same with "Coneheads" and "Once Upon a Forest" - the Random '90's Animation movie that got away), but there's no way a Disney movie had so many jokes about a preteen boy being a virgin, right? (Note: See above note, RE: "Dennis the Menace".)

I haven't the slightest clue why "True Romance" warrants a mention here.

Late July: Seven Hells, what a wasteland! Only "Josh and S.A.M." sounds intriguing and... damn, I'm going to have to find the notoriously boneheaded "Tom and Jerry Movie" for Random 90's Animation aren't I? I would like to meet the person who is nostalgic for any of these movies; they'd be bound to be interesting.