Wednesday, May 4, 2016
Let's See What "Toy Wishes" Thought Millenial Kids Wanted for Christmas!
A Christmas post! In May! How timely! My reasoning is twofold: 1) Going through these old magazines in roughly reverse-chronological order seems like the most fun way to go, especially since I want to save one of the oldest for last. 2) It snowed up here last week.
So today our journey through the '90's starts in the year 2000. Decades do tend to leak into one-another at the edges. We'll go over strange ads I found in other, older magazines at the end. Before we go past the cover, though, I'd like to point out that Harry Potter always looked higher than the moon in that particular illustration, and I really don't think anyone can be said to "win" when the prize is live-action "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" merchandise. On that subject...
Every single one of the things in the picture above is terrible. But especially that ghastly RC car. And the bath scrubbies. And those gift boxes that look to be covered in the Grinch and Max's pelts...
On top of that, gifting a movie tie-in book rather than, you know, the original Dr. Seuss book to a child is in every way a grinchier trick than anything any version of the Grinch has ever done. You know what, let's stuff all this Grinch movie crap in a box, shoot it into space, and direct our attention instead to Harry Potter merchandise.
Or... maybe let's not. I do still find it hilarious that anyone ever thought it was a good idea to market mucus and fish flavored candy, when it's clearly meant as a joke in the books. But basically, this is what you had for Harry Potter inspired food before officially licensed butterbeer.
Honestly, the merchandising of Harry Potter in these days was weird all around. These limited edition figures aren't pictured but pictures are pretty easy to find on eBay. I'm just not sure how appealing a ceramic statue of Hagrid about to be mauled by Norbert is to a kid, especially when the damn thing originally retailed at eighty dollars.
Also, LOL forever at that singing fish. Yeah, we all still have one of those hanging around somewhere.
Man, I don't even know what I could add to these "Disney Dinosaur" toys that would make them funnier. It is a good reminder of how garish and ugly the advertising campaign was. You'd also think they'd advertise even just one toy of the supposedly highly marketable cute furry things some jackasses insisted this movie about dinosaurs had to have but oh well.
How about some random ads then?
And I just made us all sad.
The live-action "101 Dalmatians" movies were God-damn inescapable for a few years. For a reminder of that, stare into these dogs' unnerving people-eyes in despair.
I can say with all certainty that if I did not already know what they were like, this image would have made me never want to play a "Rayman" game ever. Mother of God...
Aw, but that's why I like TV! Oh, '90's Enjoying-Violent-Media-Shaming.
Note also that Constable Odo is hip and up with the young people.
I already know that Kiddified versions of Beach Boys songs sung by animals is kind of a Thing, but since I just recently watched "Love and Mercy", this strikes me as... awkward...
And finally, let's have a concert in a place that is currently being plowed over to make room for Star Wars. Love that Walt Disney Records logo, though.
Drawing of the Day
Hey, you know what's strange? I didn't find any interesting "Pokemon" toys in Toy Wishes.