We'll round out our look at Thanksgiving specials with the very freshly premiered Lifetime Original Movie "Jim Henson's Turkey Hollow". Here's the trailer:
Based (in the sense that the setting is called Turkey Hollow and involves Creature Shop creatures and literally no other way at all) upon Henson's recently rediscovered "Musical Monsters of Turkey Hollow" story, this sure is a Lifetime movie in which Creature Shop creatures show up, with all that implies. As usual, my transcribed notes, for your amusement:
* - "Why am I even here?" - Ludacris
* - There have been a lot of insufferable kids in the specials we've seen this week but *daaaaaamn*... I want to see both of these brats get messily eviscerated by turkeys or monsters or both.
* - I would like a Ghillie Suit for Christmas, though. Oh, the fun I'd have...
* - "Hey, kids! We know what the Internet is!" - Whoever wrote this
* - It takes 40 minutes for the monsters to show up and... I don't know if it's worth it.
* - Hey, take a photo of the monsters, you stupid kids! The walking barfed-up hairballs are right in freaking front of you!
* - Take pictures of the Uncanny Valley pumpkins while you're at it!
* - Oh, FML, is this turning into a "science vs. just believing" thing?
* -The stupid kids find a "Pikmin 2" tunnel that might lead to a Magical Land, and not only do they not take a picture of it, they don't show any interest in it at all. I really hate these insufferable idiot kids.
* - Take a photo of the villain-guy's illegal turkey operation (Jiminy Cricket, look at what I just wrote; this f-ing movie) you stupid, stupid..... Oh, hey, they're actually taking pictures now. Huh.
* - And then their one phone that the stupid kids brought with them in the ancient, sprawling, monster-infested forest overnight is stolen by the bad guys and stomped upon.
* - The bad guys have locked the kids in their illegal turkey pen overnight, it's now the next morning, and JUST NOW they remember the sister is allergic to feathers. (Screams and screams...)
* - Take a photo of the monsters roughing up the bad guys, you stupid kids!
* - "Auntie, you discovered a new species? Why did you keep them a secret? You could have been rich and famous!" - stupid kids
Yeah, like all those many and varied super-rich and famous biologists out there! Household names living in solid gold mansions, the lot of them! You know, like... I'll think of one, just give me a minute...
* - "Well, I kept them a secret because I wanted to keep some *Magic* in the world!" - Auntie
Auntie, if somebody runs over or shoots one of your monster friends because you never let anybody know that the forest really does have a unique species in it that the locals should be familiar with and whose forest home should be protected, I want you to know that it's going to be your fault. Specifically your fault because of your "screw science; magic and mystery for life" bull.
(Damn, I just came up with a more interesting plot. When does NaNoWriMo start? Oh. Well, maybe next year.)
* - Oh, and these Musical Monsters of Turkey Hollow sing exactly one song in this 90-odd minutes of, to borrow a phrase, "Hashtag Boring". And it's right before the end credits.
So overall, from these Thanksgiving specials, I have learned that Thanksgiving is super weird and often involves annoying furry creatures and insufferable stupid children. Also something about Pilgrims, Indians, Turkeys, and food, I guess. Seriously, though, I hope your holiday was and is awesome. Will we be exploring weird Christmas specials next month? We shall see...
