Oh, why not. Oscar night comes but once a year and I live-blogged the male-equivalent television event after all.
So here's how this is (hopefully) going to work. I will try to start after 6:15 PM EST, which is about the time the award coverage begins locally. I will make no predictions. I am not even that emotionally invested as my favorite movies have no chance whatsoever of winning anything big (for example, Best Picture is essentially a race between "Social Network" and "King's Speech"). I will merely take the awards as they come and make comments that you will hopefully find hilarious.
6:33 - Our local ABC affiliate is airing a fluff piece about a local Oscar party that I can't really badmouth because it is run by the Ellie Fund. Aww.
There are also a few reports from the red carpet and, my God, it's been ten years, please LET BJORK'S SWAN DRESS GO ALREADY!!! (Or, more to the point, unless you can name one Bjork song, stop picking on Bjork for being Bjork.)
6:52 - Yeah, NMH. More H. R. Fluffinstuff about movies set in Boston. Woo.
7:07 - OK, here we go. Aw, I'm rooting for Hailee Steinfeld since she's genuinely appreciative and excited to be there.
7:20 - D'aww, the story of the children's chorus.
7:24 - Ah, we have ads for upcoming movies to discuss. "Limitless" looks kinda nifty... and then it pulled the "we only use blah percent of our brain" cliche. Dammit.
7:29 - OK, between the "mom-inees", the children's chorus, and some other things, this is going to be a very "Aww"-some Oscar night.
7:47 - "Red Riding Hood" = wut
7:57 - "Source Code" looks a little dull and confusing in it's ad, but it's got Jake G. in it and it's by Duncan Jones. "Moon" was my favorite surprise last year, and critics loved it. So... why isn't the commercial mentioning this at all?
8:20 - Somebody tell me how "The Adjustment Bureau" is different from "Dark City".
8:23 - And here's your first notable instance (that I saw) of Mood Whiplash tonight! (Tom Hanks' "Philadelphia" acceptance speech vs. Roberto Begnini's... whatever you want to call that.)
8:30 - It's time it's time!
8:33 - Huh... this is Mtv-ish. I like it though.
8:38 - That was fun! I kinda wanted to see what they'd do with "Toy Story 3" though.
8:41 - Mark's strained smile = priceless.
8:42 - So the much-hyped virtual set is... nice.
8:43 - LEO WAS ROBBED! XD
8:45 - Alright, I'll watch "Alice in Wonderland" already. The art directors were very sweet.
8:47 - Woo Wally Pfister! Also Christopher Nolan's strained smile = saddening.
8:57 - LEO WON!!! (Thank you, I'm here all night.)
Also, essays will be written about Michael Douglas' presentation. Long, long, long ones.
9:02 - Oh, Justin, you so crazy.
Also, you don't know the definition of animation do you?
And we have our first potential running gag, care of Michael Douglas.
9:04 - "The Lost Thing" won! I'm so happy!!! (Seriously watch it. It will make a rainbow in your heart.)
9:05 - And as happy as I am that "Toy Story 3" was nominated, imagine if there were five nominees. Stupid weird Academy rules.
9:14 - I feel we're going to be hearing this over-orchestrated version of the spare, eerie "Social Network" score a lot tonight.
9:18 - And we are going to hear the "King's Speech" music a lot too. The question is, WHICH MUSIC WILL WE HEAR MORE!?!
9:28 - Yay Denmark!
9:32 - Yay! My other website's mascot won! (Honestly, I'm happy. It's been a long, long, long road.)
9:38 - Ugh, the president of the Academy. Here we go...
9:40 - And that was surprisingly painless.
9:41 - Nice, subtle "Fantasia" tribute here.
9:44 - I live in a world where Trent Reznor has an Oscar. This is awesome.
9:47 - Methinks "Inception" will sweep the technical awards.
9:49 - I'm right so far!
Yeah, so why the hell isn't Christopher Nolan nominated for best director again? Or does the Academy just not like him?
9:56 - Don't eff with Rick Baker. He is a legend. The nominees were a little offbeat, but it really wasn't a contest.
9:59 - I only wish there was an award for creature design. *sigh*
10:02 - Thank you for reminding me how I am so Emo for movie songs.
10:13 - Very nice, Jake. That'll show everyone who treats the shorts categories as a bathroom break.
10:17 - Ah jeez, Autotune? Really?
Also, I am a fan of the guy who directed "God of Love".
10:20 - Personal surreal experience of the night: explaining who Banksy is to mom.
10:21 - A-n-d potentially awesome Oscar moment averted. Also, I wanted "Exit Through the Gift Shop" to win. Wah.
10:31 - The Bob Hope tribute was cute, but I kinda wish they'd picked a movie to represent special effects... somehow...
And "Inception" wins! Practical effects for the waffles!
Also, Jude and Robert are so much fun together that I wondered why they'd never done a movie together. Then I remembered they did...
10:35 - Aww, Dave Fincher's editors.
10:41 - KITTY!!! OMG, IT'S SO FLUFFY! WANT!
10:44 - "If I Rise" = Awesome. Every other nominated song = Meh.
But, OK, Randy Newman's fine too.
10:50 - I didn't write anything about the Best Buy ad with Ozzy Osborn and Justin Bieber during the Superbowl because it's just... sad.
Speaking of, here comes the In Memorium part...
10:57 - And thank you cheerful JC Penny and People Magazine ad for the mood whiplash. (But then, what could you air after that?)
11:01 - Home stretch everyone!
11:03 - (Pouts in sympathy for David Fincher...)
Err, I mean congrats to the man who helped my hometown's tourism a lot!
11:15 - I was just saying that I will be astonished if "Black Swan" went home with nothing. Congrats, Natalie!
11:25 - Next movie idea for Colin Firth: "The King's Gallstones". Seriously, aww.
11:32 - "And 'Crash'!"
11:36 - OMG "King's Speech" or "Social Network"?!?
And Steven answered a second after I hit "Publish". Congrats "King's Speech". Nice montage too.
Good night all, may you all get to your homes or other destinations safely, may your speeches never be cut off, and may your dreams be sweet.
D'aww, the little kids are singin'.