Kill Refurb Marry - Disney Partners

Well, first of all, if we're talking Partners and Walt Disney World, I'd be remiss if I didn't include the following hilarious incident I managed to capture on film a few years ago.



Walt Disney World has been the site of many memorable partnerships throughout the years.  Some of them worked, some of them... did not.  Brace yourselves, I'm going to harp on Dinoland USA again.

Kill: Disney and McDonalds

This was just a bad, weird time for Disney in general, and I never even visited the parks while it happened, but there's something that hurts my heart when I look at this page in Yesterland.  It does go a ways in explaining why Dinoland is the way it is, and at the very least we got some badass William Stout art out of the whole mess.

Refurb: Michael Eisner and Michael Eisner's Obsession of the Week

If there's one thing to notice while touring Disney World these days, it's that nearly anything that makes you say, "Why...?" is thanks to Michael Eisner having a seemingly sudden and momentary obsession with something. Sometimes, that'd work out for the best (Touchstone Pictures, Disney/MGM Studios, the Disney Institute in theory), and sometimes it would not (the Swan and Dolphin, the Disney Institute in practice).

Marry: The Original EPCOT Imagineers

Need more be said?  They pulled off a lot of amazing effects and shows pretty much while flying by the seats of their pants and repurposing bits from never-built rides.   I'm just sad that so much of what they accomplished is gone, when I know I'd appreciate it more as an adult.

Next time: Extinct Attractions.  Oh boy...

Addendum: Boy did I ever go in a completely different direction from everyone else on this one...

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Sketch of the Day!
I don't know the original context for this but it's fascinating nonetheless.

"Kick him in the side." - Let's Kill, Refurb, Marry Sidekicks!

Oh boy, this is going to be a fun one.  Now to keep this easier for me, I'll only pick sidekicks from the Renaissance era on, otherwise I'd have to be a Polygamist.  With that rule in place, the first one is dead easy.

Kill - The Lemur family in "Dinosaur"

You all saw this one coming.  Aside from the obvious reasons, here's a reminder that the executives who meddled "Dinosaur" to hell and back were convinced people wouldn't go and see a movie about dinosaurs unless there were prominent furry mammal characters for us furry mammals in the audience to relate to.  Yeah.

Refurb - The "Treasure Planet" sidekicks

"Treasure Planet" is one of those Disney Animated Canon movies that I wish was better than it actually is; what I like in it, I like a lot, and I try to ignore the rest.  Case in point: young Jim Hawkins is sidled with three irritating comedy relief sidekicks, giving his crucial relationship with Long John Silver hardly any room to breathe.  So let's make Dr. Doppler less goofy, turn the obnoxious robot into a broken computer that doesn't talk (or maybe does cute beeps like R2-D2 or the little guys in "Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword"), and shoot that horrible cute pink squishy bubble-thing out the damn airlock.

Marry - The "Little Mermaid" sidekicks

I mean, you could argue that later sidekicks were funnier, more helpful, and generally better, but they owe it all to the "Little Mermaid" sidekicks.  They were the first to be on-par with best-ever sidekick Jiminy Cricket in a very long time.

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Art of the Day!

I've been sharing some doodles/art I made for The Straw Hat No's "Ni No Kuni" Let's Play over this month and this finished piece seemed appropriate:

Kill, Refurb, Marry Villains!

Little late to the party, but why not?



This month, the topic is Disney Villains. I'm sticking with Disney Animated Canon characters only.  And I'll be rating the baddies based on how great they are as Disney characters (ignoring their source material where applicable, and no, I do not actually want to marry any of these people.  They are just the worst.  But they're good at being the worst.)

Kill:  Unmemorable villains like Whats-His-Name from "Aristocats" and So-And-So from "Home on the Range".  In fairness, these movies have significant problems already (they constantly vie for the position of Worst DAC Feature in my mind), but the dubious antagonists are just yawn sauce on the snore-pie.

Refurb:  Here we have an interesting case, because the villain in question has essentially been refurbished for us by another animation team.  Let me explain.  The villain is the Horned King from "The Black Cauldron".  He looks scary, he's got an awesome voice, and he's got minions, nasty wyvern-thingies, and an army of the cursed undead.  And unfortunately, it wasn't the Golden Age of theatrical animation anymore, and it wasn't the modern age yet, so this potentially awesome villain was the victim of serious wimping out on the part of the executives.  If you want a better version of Disney's Horned King, watch the episodes of "Adventure Time" centered around the Lich King.  Seriously.

Marry:  I'll make this simple: notice how Maleficent gets to be the leader of the villains whenever they have a crossover?  Yup.

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Sketch of the Day!  Here's what happens when I watch a Let's Play of "Ni-No Kuni"

My Summer Of Sequels: "The Lion King 1.5" (2004)

Having got this far into My Summer of Sequels, I almost feel like "The Lion King One-and-a-Half" (henceforth, "TLK 1.5") was made by prescient people as a breather episode for any poor souls who decided, out of morbid curiosity, to watch a bunch of Disney DTV sequels in a row.

The idea is simple: tell the story of "The Lion King" from Timon and Pumba's point of view.  (If the original "Lion King" is Hamlet but with a happier ending, and "The Lion King 2" is, based off my vague childhood memories, Romeo and Juliet but with a happier ending, this is Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead but actually funny.)  It helps the proceedings a great deal that Timon and Pumbaa are among the best Disney sidekick characters.  And indeed, it helps that Meerkats are one of the world's most loveable... Charismatic Normal-Size-Fauna, I guess?

Look, I'm not going to get too serious with this one.  The whole premise of "TLK 1.5" is that the very idea of Disney DTV sequels is really, really silly.  Silly and strange and kind of sad.  And, above all, worth mocking to hell and back.  The characters themselves make fun of the concept at every opportunity.  I hate having to invoke the loathed "This is the X for people who hate X" phrase, but this is indeed the Disney DTV sequel for people who hate Disney DTV sequels.  It is the first one I can recommend without feeling awful afterwards.

It helps that the original voices are back for the most part, the animation is quite good, and that the "new" songs... aren't.  They're either variants of the songs from the original or remixes of songs written for the original that they could not use for some reason or other.  It really helps that those Hans Zimmer themes still get me every time.  Though ultimately, "TLK 1.5" made me suck it up and buy The Lion King" on Blu-Ray...

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Sketch of the Day!

Older Study of Random Hoofed Mammals!

Where Disney Was Around 1987, Conveniently Summed Up by a Puzzle

Residing in my game cabinet is this odd little relic of 1980's Disneyana. Jaymer Puzzle 2424: "Disney Friends, Then and Now". Let's start putting it together, shall we?



The "Then" portion of the puzzle is pretty self-explanatory. Portraits of the five most popular Disney cartoon characters based upon their earliest known or most iconic early appearances. I actually really love this puzzle because it's a lot more challenging than you'd think. All those bright colors get very confusing after a while.

Now, that big empty spot is where the "Now" comes in. Let's start with America's fun couple:


 
Our old friend Mickey is rocking his iconic "Costume I stole from James Spader while he was filming 'Pretty in Pink' / Bright Red Chuck Taylors" ensemble. This is what Disney thought would make Mickey look cool to us 80s kids with our Mtv and our Nintendos and our British bands and our Hula Hoops and our piercings and our Bullfrogs and our children's card games...

But hoo boy, take a look at Minnie! No matter how crazy this image gets, know that there was a considerable upshot: Minnie Mouse became a far more interesting character than she'd ever been after fifty years of being "Mickey's girlfriend". As a matter of fact, she had her own "Totally Minnie" album, her own television special, and...

And very quickly and sadly devolved back into her boring old self once this was all scrapped and Disney fired up the cutesy-poo "Minnie and Me" merchandise line. She once again donned her polka-dot dress and giggled over Mickey. Sigh...

But moving right along...


 
Pluto's hip and current outfit is a little more subtle than the others. For that, I suppose, we should be grateful.

But I don't know what the hell is going on with Goofy back there. Is he meant to look like a fighter pilot? A la "Top Gun"? Remember, it was around 1987 and Tom Cruise was still every 80's kid's cool uncle.

And then, there's Donald.



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No, really. I don't know what I could add to this to make it funnier.



Here's the full "Now" image (this time from the puzzle's box for a clearer view). It's funny how, while there have been some costume changes, these are essentially the "default" designs for the characters even now and they haven't changed much. You may even see images Mickey and Minnie the way they look here floating around the Internet.

And anyway, this isn't half as silly as "Mickey Unrapped".

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Garden Update!

Hoo boy, I wore myself out before Noon yesterday. I decided to start work on a project that I had worked on for hours and finished multiple times in my imagination. (As I get older, I realize that the only thing more annoying than finishing a big project in your sleep and then waking up to see that it still isn't even started is getting into an argument with a Twilight fan.)

I eventually bullied myself into digging. Five feet of rocks, roots, and other (I like this word) stressors later, I gave up. I had realized that this was silly because I was lacking the proper tools for this job and hadn't even really thought this plan out and I hit a wall. A very cold wall made out of wind. I really just wanted to extend the main line of rocks out one foot. That will give me enough room for the many, many spring bulbs I have to plant.

You will probably have some fun stories about these bulbs in your future...

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On the offhand chance I have any readers in England, apparently there's some kind of Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy 30'th anniversary convention in London this weekend. Looks like fun if you can make it, even though it looks like the real impetus for this event is the release of And Another Thing.

Now that I've brought it up: I don't even know what to think or how to feel about And Another Thing...