Friday, January 21, 2011

Very Sad News That Explains Why I Have Been In Such a Weird Head-Space Lately

My Grandmother just died.

Let me rephrase that. My
ninety-four year old grandmother, mother of seven children, thirteen grandchildren, and twenty-one great-grandchildren, recently passed away after an excruciatingly long fight with Alzheimer's Disease. She had, all told, a very good life, produced a huge and loving family, and she was reasonably happy up until the very last week or so of her life. So, while this is very sad, it's not really tragic.

Even so, I am -as you may imagine- very upset about this.
As artists (I figure most of my readers are painfully aware of this) we spend an awful lot of time inside our own heads. Therefore, grief is exhausting. I not only feel depressed but physically ill. The reality of it is just starting to hit me and my family, as I'm sure it has for many of my aunts, uncles, cousins, second-cousins, friends, and so on. Obviously, we all knew this was going to happen sooner or later, but the problem with "later" is that it always eventually becomes "now". (Let me just say that there has been a major uptick in my chocolate consumption lately.)

When I launched this blog, I made a pledge that I would plan on having at least two new posts per week for the first three years. This was to keep me focused and avoid stagnation, and it was kind of my own little protest against interesting websites that go for months without updating (I am considerably more sympathetic to them now). I would allow myself a break during the holidays and hiatuses if anything major (good or bad) came up. I'm pretty sure nobody would mind if I count this as something major.

And yet, part of me wants to muscle through. I feel like that would be better for my psychology. As I said to one of my cousins, I want to get behind the wheel of some major projects. I feel like if I don't, I'll succumb to despair. I want (need really) to update my resume and portfolio, get more original pieces up for sale on ebay, and maybe get some paid commissions going. And I think I need to read through my own blog and keep a running list of things I said I was going to write more about. And, of course, Giant Carnivorous Birds to paint! Valentines / Single Person Awareness Day cards to design! Secret projects with kitties and toucans, maybe!

I apologize if this post was uncharacteristically Emo. I'll try to make the next one more fun.

EDIT: Thank you, everyone, for the kind words. I was afraid this might veer on the "too personal" side of things, but it was something I just had to write. Thank you all so much.


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Doodle of the Day! It's Award Season! Here are silly and hopefully funny things I sketched during the Golden Globes:

1.16.11 - Golden Globe Doodles



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And in other Mood Whiplash news, it's Feederwatch Friday!


Yeah, you might have heard that we had a little storm recently:

Photobucket

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As I've said before, snow brings diversity. The Wren is back!

American Crow 5
Black-capped Chickadee 3
White-breasted Nuthatch 1
Carolina Wren 1
Northern Cardinal 1
House Sparrow 30

3 comments:

Albertonykus said...

My goodness. I'm very sorry to hear that. Hope you feel better soon!

Glendon Mellow said...

So sorry to hear that, Trish. What an amazing life she must have had.

Traumador said...

i am very sorry for your loss. my grandmother died in the spring at age 101. hving had a very similar life to the one your's sounded like she had (mother of nine and grandmother of 17).

i think what caused me so much grief was the cathelic funeral service in which the priest said direct quote "the fact that [my grandmother] made it to the age of 101 didn't matter. her life didn't matter..." because now she was dead and could go to heaven.

even IF that was the case, i found that hurtful and demeaning to anyone, that alone a relative of mine.

anyways very sorry for your loss.