Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Tweet-Commentary of "Walking With Dinosaurs 3D"

 photo wwd1_zpsd5blqhfj.jpg

Who's up for live-Tweet-commentary? #SpiritCeratopsianOfTheSteppes #WalkingWithDinosaursMovie #WWD

 photo wwd2_zpsyl18t0ug.jpg

"A long, long time ago In a galaxy far, far away..." #ItWillAlwaysBeFunny

Alaska is flippin' beautiful.

Between this and "Boyhood", I need to visit Alaska some time. And also Texas.

I would be focusing on Austin (arty side) and Houston (Bakker's museum!) and probably nowhere else.

 photo wwd3_zpsseea93q2.jpg

Sweet! This is just what I always wanted in my dinosaur movies! Insufferable humans!

Major brownie points: the insufferable humans mention that birds are a kind of dinosaur like it's old news.

(Which, incidentally, it is. What's really going to bake your noodle is that whales are a kind of hoofed mammal.)

DISCLAIMER: I have already dipped into the wine in prep for this. Apologies in advance if autocorrect fails on me.

Brownie points docked a bit for Insufferable Boy being all Emo over having to go on a dinosaur dig.

I'm sure the kinds of kids who want to watch a very realistic dinosaur movie can relate to NOT wanting to be a paleontologist.

Major MAJOR brownie points for the little girl being way into dinosaurs/science/nature. This is a huge deal.

I am so happy about this, seriously. But…

I expect this movie to betray me as horribly as Rise of the Guardians as far as enthusiastic little girl characters go. >:/

"Well, Insufferable Emo Boy, since you hate dinosaurs, I will leave you in the Alaskan wilderness I guess.

 photo wwd4_zps5koed4cc.jpg

Where to begin?

"Hey, I flew all the way from Eurasia to bring you on a mystical journey, Emo Boy!”


"Hmm, there's a little girl who loves dinosaurs…

"...and a boy who could not give a pair of fetid dingo kidneys about dinosaurs!…"

"Well, jee, we better send the BOY on the mystical dinosaur journey!" #ThingsThatMakeMeDrink

It took five God damn minutes. FIVE.

 photo wwd5_zpsirds4jo7.jpg

Shitty 90's Transformation Effects Go!!!

 photo wwd7_zpshwkgxm62.jpg

On the one hand, SQUEEEEEEEE!!!

OTOH, I want to kick the narrators. Hard.

When I saw the ads, I joked about how similar the invasive narration was to Spirit Stallion of the Cimmaron.


Haven't heard any Brian Adams songs yet, so at least there's that.

 photo wwd8_zpssc5dgjf4.jpg

Brownie points for fully-feathered maniraptors, though.

Reminder that this shouldn't be as huge a deal as it is.

Still, this movie is worth watching with the sound off. The Animation is *pretty*.

Also, Pachyrhinosaur babies are CUUUTE!!!

And... our hero just got sh*t on. I will spare you the screenshot but this is a thing that happens in this movie.

 photo wwd11_zps2iqeszq9.jpg

"I. I was standing. You were there. Two worlds collided..."

 photo wwd12_zps5hpbalx6.jpg

THIS is what Land Before Time was missing all these years. A kid IDing the dinosaurs.

A kid INSUFFICIENTLY IDing the dinosaurs! :D

 photo wwd10_zpswix3fwgr.jpg

This is why this movie is so tragic! The animation is gorgeous the dinosaurs look awesome! But that narration! That prologue!

I... was not expecting Barry White in this context.

 photo wwd14_zpsxxwu98l2.jpg

"A-playing rock-n-roll music through the hole in his head!"

No, really. This is a plot point.

 photo wwd15_zps4c6f0bw9.jpg

Still, accurate pterosaurs! Also should not be as big a deal as it is.


 photo wwd16_zpsfjz3pcfh.jpg

I'm from the future. You Pachyrhinosaurs want no business with rivers.

At least the dinosaurs in this movie look awesome, where Jurassic World looks like a long, drawn-out wet fart.

And at the 35 minute mark, speaking of wet farts, we get the "Oops, I stepped in your 'fear'!" line.

 photo wwd17_zpssiyq4tfn.jpg


Sadly all the Pachyrhinosaurs drowned in the Rapids, as the fossil record shows us.

Even the little cute ones.

ESPECIALLY the little cute ones.

AHAHAHAHA, I am lying! There's at least another 45 minutes of this!

 photo wwd18_zpsxziam1ug.jpg

TIL: hadrosaurs love them some Fleetwood Mac.

The One Pachy Who Is A Girl is injured in the Rapids and seriously this is Spirit: Horsies Are Pretty.

 photo wwd19_zps4uj5rkkn.jpg

OVIRAPTORS!!! #AllIsForgiven #MovieOfTheYearEveryYear

 photo wwd20_zpsnpqqcelq.jpg

"Sua-pa-yaaq su-na! Ka-niq-siq! Pak-is-I-gin!" #BetterAnimationSetInAlaska

 photo wwd22_zpsmn4pbubr.jpg

Reminder that as much as I make fun of this movie, it is still seriously PRETTY!

 photo wwd21_zpsjlpmjv3t.jpg

Seriously this is the best-looking bad animated film since... well, since Spirit.

 photo wwd23_zpsarqez1c2.jpg

"Gee, maybe there's more to life than stealing the whole show in Blue Sky sequels..."

 photo wwd24_zpsyzld2aq5.jpg

"Look at my sweet-ass unicorn horn."

And now this is Bambi. Or stereotypical herd animal behavior.

 photo wwd25_zpsa9ovqecn.jpg

Sadly, all the Pachyrhinosaurs drowned in the lake, as the fossil record shows us.

Honestly, that's a dark undercurrent to this whole movie.

Why do you think we know so much about Pachyrhinosaurs anyway?

And according to Zachary Miller, Pachyrhinosaur characters in this movie are based on individual fossil specimens. Huh.

 photo wwd28_zpswpkxmp2f.jpg


Reminder that this would look dumb while a pretend genetic mishmash is teh awesome.

We must give a shout-out to David Krentz, the main character designer here.

He also worked on #DisneyDinosaur. Oof.

 photo wwd27_zpszxwmalt2.jpg

Our hero Pachie is trying to summon Gwahiir. Sadly, Eagles do no exist yet As Far As We Know.

 photo wwd29_zpsxgcx2xs8.jpg

And now, herd animals defending one member from predators. Like in real life. Ever.

Though looking at this from another angle, at least they're depicting the “gentle herbivores” as ferocious.

 photo wwd30_zpsrvk9gemy.jpg

BTW, the Gorgosaurs look awesome. Again, mad props to Dave Krentz.

Pachie and The One Who Is A Girl have babbies formed and this is literally #DisneyAladar all over again.

 photo wwd31_zpsndrexxaa.jpg

Oh, yeah, hey, there are insufferable humans in this movie, remember?

As the adult version of that little girl who loves dinosaurs but did not get to go on Dinosaur Adventure…

…I hope whoever wrote that prologue can hear me wall-banging from here because I am doing it as hard as I can. I mean, FFS.

Because this kind of thing is f*cking *INESCAPABLE* in media when you are a girl who happens to love not-girly things.

There's lots of things that ruined #WalkingWithDinosaursMovie for me, but I think, in the cold light of morning, this ruined it the hardest.

I mean, I was prepped for the last-minute-addition narration/prologue.

The "Silly girls, dinosaurs are for boys!" thing blindsided me.

This movie was released in 3D in American theaters. I'm glad to say they never resorted to cheap 3D tricks.

 photo wwd32_zps67bun0m6.jpg

"Did somebody say 'cheap 3D tricks?!?!?!?'"

 photo wwd33_zpsnzggttyp.jpg

"Cause here's something I wanted to SPRING on you!!! Wocka wocka wocka!!!”

 photo wwd34_zpskfla1iuk.jpg

Oh hey, Louis V. Rey!

I'd still give something ludicrous to have him design the dinosaurs for a not-executive-meddled-to-death animated film.

End credits are set to a reprise of Tusk. Y'all know what that means...

 photo wwd36_zpseihbkc9x.jpg

Correction: this is not Tusk, it's a song by Matisyahu?!

 photo wwd35_zpskbnouwyq.jpg

Oh, this is awkward. I want to hug all of you…


Sketch of the Day!

11.8.14 - Draw Dinovember

On that awkward note...


Albertonykus said...

Entertaining commentary as usual.

"And now, herd animals defending one member from predators. Like in real life. Ever."

African buffalo... but not much else.

John Smith said...

Yeah, I'd be furious if I were that girl. You love dinos? You don't get to see them. You don't love dinos? EPIC DINO ADVENTURE FOR YOU. I can see what they were trying to do - basically tell the kid "Hey, dinos are cool!" - but it still amounts to topsy-turvy logic like rewarding the wrong person.

This movie has much better graphics and designs than that Not-Jurassic-Park movie, for sure. It still boggles me that people thought the graphics in THAT film were good. The instant I saw the raptors, I thought "My god, this isn't a fluke; they're actually going with this incredibly fake look." The animation was worse: especially in the end fight, it looked more like a Mediocre Marvel Movie CGI Destructionfest than anything tied to Jurassic Park.

Between that and this massacred WWD film, when are we going to get that decent dino film we all wanted?

Scott Elyard said...


(And you should totally visit us in Alaska first. Summer is best, but it's also wildfire season.)

David Prus said...

I think this may just be my favorite review of this movie